IPS 635 

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I Copy 1 





COPYRIGHT, 1908, 

BY 
JOHN C. TRAVIS. 



:?k 



THE 
SIMPLE LIFE 



AN AMERICAN PLAY 

IN FOUR ACTS 



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LIBRARY of "cONGTscsil 
Two Copiss Heceivtti. 
JAN 20 »^(JB 

Copyrigm tniry 

GLASS D XXc, Nu 
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COPY 6. . Jl 



PEEKSKILL. N. T. 

THE HIGHLAND DEMOCRAT PRINT. 

1908. 



CHARACTERS. 



JOHN HKRiNGTON, U. S. Senator for Dakota; — East- 
ern born; — a self made man; — age 38. 

GEORGE BARWEEL^ JR., a cosmopoUtan ; — iron grey 
moustache ; — jet black hair; — age 40. 

RICHARD BARWEEL, his yoiithful half -brother ; — a 

Senior at college; — age 21. 
GERARDUS CARTER^ a young-old chap of the club type; 

— hair dyed; — youthful clothing; — age 55. 
JIMMY WILLIAMS, plump man about town; — age 35 

to 40. 

GEORGE BARWELL, SR., a hard-headed American cap- 
italist. 

JUDGE PLATT, father of Mildred Barwell; — a benign 
country jurist; — closely trimmed white beard. 

BARON Ernst von ulm, German financial agent. 
FRANCISCO emilio SERRANO, oHy Spanish- American; 

— age 25. 

KELLY, valet to George Barwell, Tr. 

ROBERTS, the Carter's butler; — grey haired, but not 

decrepit. 

MADGE CARTER, Steady going brunette; — age 28. 
POLLY CARTER, her sister, aged 17 years and 8 months. 
MILDRED BARWELL, wifc of Gcorgc Barwcll, Jr. 



SCENES. 



ACT I. 

Morning room at the Carter's, Forty-eighth Street, 
near Fifth Avenue. Time 9.30 A. M. 

ACT II. 

The same. Time 1.40 P. M. 

ACT III. 

Library of George Barwell, Jr., around the corner 
from the Carter house. Time 4.45 P. M. 

ACT IV. 

The same. Time 10 P. M. 



The action of the Play takes place on a Saturday in 
December, beginning at 9.30 A. M. and ending 
at 10.30 P. M. 

Time — The Present. 
Place — New York. 



FIRST ACT. 



THE SIMPLE LIFE. 



ACT L 

SCENE: Morning room at the Carter's, Forty-eighth 
Street, between Fifth and Madison Avenues, 
New York City, Door R. I. B. leading to din- 
ing room. Door R. C. leading to hall. Win- 
dow L. C. Conservatory arch set on the ob- 
lique L. 
TIME: 9.30 Saturday morning, December, 1907. 
discovered: Carter, running through his mail. He 
is a young man of SS, red tie, fancy waistcoat, 
spats, etc. Enter R. I. B. Polly Carter. 
FOLEY. Good morning, papa. 

CARTER. [Confidential] Polly, I can name a stock 
that will positively advance five points w^ithin the 
next forty-eight hours. 

POEEY. You always talk that way, papa. 
CARTER. [Barnest] This is no speculation, my dear, 
but a moral certainty. If Madge would advance, say 
five hundred, on account of my January allow- 
ance 

POEEY. [Laughing] Go in and breakfast, father. 
It is half-past nine. 

CARTER. I've had my coffee. [Wise look] That 
will be all this morning, thank you. 
poEEY. Late supper again ? 
CARTER. Nothing to speak of, Polly. A rarebit 



and some broiled kidneys at the Club. 

POivivY. [Smiling reproof] Naughty young man ! 

CARTER. [Jauntily twirling moustache] Respect my 
four grey hairs, if you please. 

[Enter R. C. Roberts with cards.] 

ROBERTS. The gentlemen have an appointment, sir. 

CARTER. [Surprised] With me ? [Reads cards] 
Baron Ernst Von Ulm? Francisco Emilio Serrano? 
Who the deuce are they ? 

POELY. [Teasing] Careful, Dad. It may be a brace 
of duns. 

CARTER. [Nervotis] Do you think so? [Regains 
courage] No, no, show them in Roberts. [Exit R. 
C. ROBERTS.] My creditors have long been distin- 
guished by their exemplary patience. 

POEEY. [Going] All right. Daddy. Sing out, if 
you need help. 

[Exit R. C. POEEY, meeting von uem and 
SERRANO in C. The latter eyes her ad- 
miringly.] 

VON ULM. [Coming down] A crisp December 
morning ! I present my business associate, Senor 
Serrano, whom you expressed a desire to meet. 

CARTER. [Blank astonishment, mechanically shakes 
hands with serrano] Very pleased, I am sure. 

SERRANO. [Fawning] Thank you. 

CARTER. [Puzded, to Von Ulm] Your face is 
vaguely familiar. Would you mind telling me when 
it was that I expressed a desire to meet your friend ^ 

VON UEM. Last evening, at your club. Have you 
no recollection of eating supper? 

CARTER. [Hand on forehead] I have. 

VON UEM. [Growing impatient] I sat next you 
at table. We engaged in a protracted discussion of 
the merits of the enterprise in which I have the good 
fortune to be engaged. 



CARTER. [Still doubtful] And I requested you to 
call here this morning? 

VON ULM. [Assenting'] To present myself, my as- 
sociate and to lay before you our plans. For your 
part, you pledged yourself to summon to this con- 
ference the presidents of four of New York's most 
powerful financial institutions. 

CARTER. [Aside] I wonder why I limited myself 
to four? [Aloud] Be seated, gentlemen? 

[All sit — CARTER in C] 

VON UEM. [Impressively] I represent certain in- 
fluential German interests. Senor Serrano is neph- 
ew to his Excellency, the President of the Republic 
of Guatama. Does that refresh your memory? 

CARTER. [Vague] Some South American scheme, 
was it not? 

SERRANO. [Explosively] We shall make of you a 
millionaire ! 

CARTER. That sounds promising. There is always 
room for one more millionaire • 

VON UEM. [Important] He, you and I go in on 
the ground floor. 

CARTER. Fact is, gentlemen, very little capital is 
at present at my disposal. 

SERRANO. You are widely acquainted? 

CARTER. Anyone will tell you that Gerardus Carter 
knows everybody in town. 

VON ULM. [Respectfully] Last evening you ad- 
dressed a Cabinet officer by his first name. 

CARTER. Pshaw, that's nothing. [Aside] After 
supper. 

VON ULMi Inquiry satisfies us that you are the 
man we seek. [Confidentially] The adventure, you 
understand, is not in the nature of a speculation. 

CARTER. [Face falls] Dear me, is this another 
moral certainty? 



SERRANO. [Bxaggerated] The returns will be enor- 
mous ! [Explains] Von Ulm, a German subject, pur- 
chases three million of disputed claims against the 
former government of Guatama. 

VON ULM. [Dignified] For which my people au- 
thorize me to pay as high as ten cents on the dol- 
lar 

CARTER. [Surprised] That means a risk of thou- 
sands. 

VON uivM. [Indulgent smile] My principals con- 
trol millions. 

SERRANO. [Naively] There is no risk ! My distin- 
guished uncle is head of the present government of 
Guatama. The Treasurer of Gutama will liquidate 
these claims, if properly presented. / am the Treas- 
urer. 

voN uivM. [Quietly] Payment of my claims hav- 
ing been demanded, through a German banking 
house, in exceptionally good standing with the Im- 
perial Ministry 

SERRANO. My uncle will at first decline to recog- 
nize their validity. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! 

voN uivM. Whereupon a German gunboat makes 
its appearance upon the placid waters of Guatama, 
clears for action, and threatens to bombard the cap- 
ital, if payment be not immediately forthcoming. 

SERRANO. xA.s a consequence, my uncle protests by 
cable to the great powers and [Winks] before their 
replies can be received, yields to this overwhelming 
display of brute force, and compromises at not less 
than fifty cents on the dollar. 

voN UEM. [Impressively to carter] Meanwhile 
your government does not interfere. You must find 
a means of reaching the proper person. 

CARTER. Before my wife died, I took an occasional 
flyer, but nothing like this. I feel flattered, geniie- 



men, deeply grateful and all that sort of thing, but 
I wouldn't touch the proposition with a ten-foot pole. 

SERRANO. [Rising, disgusted] Ah ! Come, Von Ulm. 

VON ULM. [Rising] We lose our time. 

CARTER. [Politely] If there is anyone to whom I 
can give you a letter of introduction? 

VON UEM. [Significantly] Ah ! You would prefer 
to have us deal with ? 

CARTER. [Ponders] Wilson? Bronson? Barwell? 
George Barwell is the man. Know him? [Sits at 
table.] 

VON ULM. No. 

SERRANO. He is discreet? 

CARTER. Eminently so — well connected — widely 
acquainted — has what you might call a Standard Oil 
conscience — father head of a great corporation. I'll 
give you a line. [Writes] George is a born specu- 
lator ! Would sell his reputation short, if he could 
find a purchaser. There! [Hands note to von ulm] 
I won't detain you, gentlemen. Good morning. [En- 
ter R. C. ROBERTS, showing in dick. Roberts shows 
out R. C. VON ULM and serrano.] [Aside] Ah me, 
does it pay to be good? 

dick. [To carter] It's rather an early hour to 
expect to find Polly at home, sir. Fact is, I am just 
down from the University. 

CARTER. Tut, tut, don't apologize. How is your 
father ? 

DICK. The governor is a victim of rheumatism 
this winter. 

CARTER [Grinning complacently] Failing, eh? To 
think, he and I were once of an age. [Going, jaunt- 
ily.] Well, good luck, my boy. 

[Enter R. Roberts, ill at ease.] 

DICK. Good morning, sir. [Exit R. C. carter.] 
[dick comes down] What is it, Roberts? 



ROBERTS. Miss Polly begs to be excused, Mr. 
Richard. 

DICK. [Astounded] Begs to be excused ! Is Miss 
Polly ill? 

ROBERTS. [Sympathy] Never better, sir. It ain't 
that. 

DICK. [Incredulous] Miss Polly declines to see 
me? 

ROBERTS [Evasive] I was bidden to say, sir, that 
Miss Polly begs to be excused. 

[poivLY bounces in R.] 

POELY. But that was not my message, Dicky. 
You may thank Madge for this delicate attention. 
[Laughing] I came down the back way. 

DICK. [Laughs boyishly] It's all right, Polly, so 
long as you are neither ill nor angry. [L. of ROB- 
ERTS.] Loaf about the hall, Roberts, like a good 
chap 

POEEY [R. of ROBERTS] And give a signal, should 
sister start downstairs. 

ROBERTS. [Twinkle in eyes] If I cough like this 
[gives eccentric wheeze] it means someone is com- 
ing. [Exit R. C. ROBERTS.] 

POLEY. [Throwing herself in dick^s arms] Dick, 
my sweetheart, are we really and truly engaged? 

dick. [Arm around her] It looks very much that 
way. [Stroking her hair] Poor child, such a hus- 
band. Cash on hand, less than ten dollars : liabili- 
ties at the university too numerous to mention and 
too unpleasant to dwell upon. 

poEEY. [Loyally] I want you just as you are, 
Richard, debts, troubles and all. 

DICK. I am yours, my dear, never fear, but 
[fiercely] are you surely mine? Madge will move 
heaven and the other place to part us. 

[ROBERTS coughs off R. C. They do not hear him.] 



POLICY, [Chuckles] Madge complains that I see 
entirely too much of you. 

DICK. [Good humoredly] Madge doesn't know 
what she is talking about. [Briskly] Look here, 
Polly, where shall we meet this afternoon ? 

poivivY. Saturday? Take me to a matinee. 

DICK. I'll do it. [Face clouded] Can you dodge 
Madge ? 

[ROBERTS coughs off R. C. They do not hear him.] 

POLLY. I'll telephone Jimmy Williams to come 
and take her out of our way.' Jimmy will do any- 
thing to oblige me. 

[Enter R. C. Roberts, hastily.] 

ROBERTS. [Hoarse whisper] Children, children. I 
coughed twice. Mr. Williams is here. 

POLLY. Good ! 

DICK. [Anxiously] He may tell Madge that I have 
seen you . 

POLLY. If he does, I'll make the house too hot to 
hold him, hereafter. 

[Enter R. C. jimmy williams.] 

J. w. [At door to ROBERTS] Thank you. [Exit R. 
C. ROBERTS.] [Coming down] My dear Polly, fresh 
as ever. 

POLLY. Really, Mr. Williams ! 

J. w. Blooming as ever, — shall we say ? How do, 
Richard? I presume it is my duty to seize you as 
contraband of war and deliver you up to the prop- 
erly constituted authority [points overhead]. 

POLLY. [Severely] I see nothing to laugh at. 
Madge is rapidly becoming a confirmed old maid. 

J. w. You really can't lay that at my door, you 
know. 

POLLY. Do me a favor? 

J. w. With all my heart. 

POLLY. Get Madge out of the way, after lunch. 



Dick is taking me to the play. 

J. w. [Doubtfully] Just where is "out of the way" 
located from your point of view ? 

POLLY. Dick must get seats for the new musical 
comedy, "The Peer and the Poodle." You may take 
Madge anywhere else. 

J. w. Thank you. 

[ROBERTS coughs off R. C] 

DICK. [Alarmed] She's coming. 

J. w. [Nervously to polly] Tell me what to say. 

POLLY. Slip into the conservatory, Dick, [dick 
X. L.] Don't make any breaks, Mr. Williams. Dick 
is not here and you have not seen me this morning. 
[Exit L. POLLY and dick.] 

J. w. [Uneasily] Quite so. I should be just as 
well pleased had no one seen me here this morning. 
[Enter R. C. madge.] [Awkwardly] How do you 
do? Been here long? I mean, I haven't been kept 
waiting, thank you. Don't offer any excuses. 

MADGE. [Shaking hands] I thought I heard Polly's 
voice. 

J. w. [Flurried] Polly's voice ? Of course. [Looks 
behind sofa, etc.] When did you last hear it? 

MADGE. [vS'i^^] How are you to-day? 

J. w. Thank you, exceedingly fit. Let me see, I 
had some object in coming here. 

MADGE. [Smiling] I hope so, I am sure. 

J. w. [Annoyed at himself, explains] This busi- 
ness about the theatre has quite driven everything 
out of my head. 

MADGE. [Naturally] What business about the 
theatre ? 

J. w. Now, I recollect. My sister begged me to 

look in and say What was her message? 

Something about Bridge However, it's of no 

consequence, as I have promised to — that is, I am to 

8 



have the pleasure of Botheration, Madge, sup- 
pose we go to the play this afternoon. 

MADGE. That will be very nice. 

J. w. What would you like to see? 

MADGE. By all means, the new musical piece. 

J. w. [Thoughtlessly] ''The Peer and the Poodle"? 
[She assents.] They tell me it's deucedly good. 
[Catching himself] No, no, what am I saying? That 
play is barred — er — that is to say, it's a beastly thing 
— vulgar and broad — scarcely a line in the text to 
which a self-respecting woman should listen. 

MADGK. How very odd. Several of my girl 
friends find nothing to criticise. 

J. w. [Floundering] So many women, nowadays, 
strain at a gnat in the drawing room and swallow 
a camel at the theatre, don't you think? 

MADGE [Waiving the point] As you please. I have 
seen everything else worth seeing. 

J. w. Most provoking. [Aside] Confound those 
children. 

[ROBERTS enters R. C. bearing card.] 

MADGE. [Glancing at card] Of all men ! 

J. w. [Jealous] Rather an early hour to call, don't 
you think? [Going.] 

MADGE. Don't go, Jimmy. It is George Harwell. 
Wait in the conservatory. [B^^it R. C. ROBERTS.] 

J. w. [Mindful of dick and poIvIvY] I don't wish 
to wait in the conservatory. Two is company : three 
is a nuisance. 

MADGE. Jimmy, I shall be very angry if you so 
so much as hint that I desire a tete-a-tete with 
George Barwell. 

J. w, [Despair] Whichever way I turn, I am lit- 
erally the odd man. [B^it L.] 

[ROBERTS shozvs BARWELi. in R. C. and exits.] 

BAR. Good morning, Madge. 



MADGS. Good morning, A^r. Barwell. 

BAR. [Shrug] Good morning, Miss Carter. I must 
apologize, 

MADGE. [Coldly] No apology is necessary. 

BAR. Has Mildred been here? 

MADGE. Frequently. 

BAR. This morning? 

MADGE. No. 

BAR. Do you know where she is to be found? 

MADGE. If I knew, you would be the last person 
to whom I should impart the information. 

BAR. [Shrug] When I came down to breakfast, 

birdie had flown. I can't get a da , a solitary 

syllable out of her maid. 

MADGE. [Scornfully] So you interrogate your serv- 
ants on the subject of your wife's whereabouts? 

BAR. Last evening, having no engagement out, 
her royal highness favored me with a brilliant pyro- 
technical display at home 

MADGE. Richly deserved, no doubt. 

BAR. Possibly. I am mortal, hence frail. [Bx- 
plaining] When I came home at ten o'clock 

MADGE. [QuicJdy] You returned home at ten 
o'clock ? You had a guilty conscience ? 

BAR. [Calvily] Not I ! When I have a guilty con- 
science, I don't go home at all. [Contitiues] Mil- 
dred's recriminations were based upon the alleged 
occurrences at a certain supper. 

MADGE. There were queer people present? 

BAR. [Easily] There are queer people present at 
a great many suppers. The men were all right. 

MADGE. [Coldly] The men are invariably all right. 

BAR. [Annoyed] Right or wrong, I am damned 
tired of Mildred's airs and graces. 

MADGE. Stop swearing in my presence. I am not 
your wife. 

lO 



BAR. True : things might be worse. When I mar- 
ried, I was in love. 

MADGE. Do you happen to recall with whom? 

BAR. With the woman who is my wife. I am in 
love with her at this moment. 

MADGE. [Sneer] After your own peculiar fashion. 

BAR. [Dogged] It is the truth. Mildred is the 
handsomest woman in New York and the wittiest, 
but she never chooses to exert herself to amuse me. 
At home, madam is normally in a state of prostra- 
tion bordering upon collapse. [Bitterly] Home ! My 
home has become a mere dressing room in which 
the lady changes her costume. 

MADGE. [Haughtily] This, by way of excusing 
yourself for the company you keep? 

BAR. This by way of explanation. Mildred and 
I have reached the parting of the ways. Let her 
return to her venerable papa. 

MADGE. It would be the refinement of cruelty to 
ask a woman of Mildred's temperament to go back 
and live in a quiet country town. 

BAR. She can't remain here. If you must have 
the truth, I am flat broke. The old man and I haven't 
passed the time of day since I got caught in the 
street last year and had to sell my seat. 

MADGE. [Interested] What is to become of you? 

BAR. [Cynic] What difference does that make? 
As a lost resource, I start for Washington this aft- 
ernoon to apply for a berth in the diplomatic serv- 
ice. I have a record that entitles me to recognition. 
I was a Rough Rider, you know. 

MADGE. [Tentatively] While you are out of the 
country, let Mildred quietly secure a divorce. 

BAR. [Snaps] She might marry again. 

MADGE. Suppose she does? 

BAR. [Jealous] If Mildred divorces me and re- 

II 



marries, I'll kill the man. 

MADGE. Did you come here to issue silly threats? 

BAR. [Blandly] True : we digress. Directly she 
walks herself into a suitable frame of mind, Mildred 
will come here to be petted. Ask her to ring me up 
at the house. 

MADGE. So it is money? 

BAR. [Wearily] In this benighted town, is it ever 
anything else ? I must have a few dollars in my 
pocket while pulling wires in Washington. Mildred 
can't employ her money to better advantage. Should 
I secure an appointment, I leave the country and the 
domestic atmosphere is cleared. [Going, gets whiff 
of cigarette smoke from conservatory and comes 
down again.] Among other accomplishments, Mil- 
dred has learned to smoke. Do you approve ? 

MADGE. [Loyal to her friend] I do not smoke. 

BARWEEL. Do you smell that? 

MADGE. [Reluctantly] Yes. 

BAR. Is it unreasonable to assume that Mrs. Bar- 
well is now enjoying an after-breakfast cigarette 
in your conservatory, or ? 

MADGE. [Angrily] Search the conservatory, if you 
like. I have nothing to conceal. 

BAR. [After a glance off L.] All right. Jimmy is 
above suspicion, but 

MADGE. [Angrily] But what? Don't smile in that 
offensive manner. 

BAR. [Going] It might be well to caution the inno- 
cent Williams not to gamble with my kid brother. 
[Exit R. C] 

MADGE. [X rapidly to conservatory, looks off and 
calls] Polly, come here immediately. [Enter L. 
POEEY, affected bravado, dick and j. w. sheepish.] 
[Angrily] Mr. Williams, you at least, are old enough 
to know better. 

12 



J. w. [Ruffled, counts change] One can't please 
everybody. I am losers three dollars and fifty cents. 

MADGE. [To Dick] Must I tell you in so many 
words that your calls have become unnecessarily 
frequent ? 

P0I.I.Y. [Spunky] Half of this house belongs to me. 

DICK. One moment, Polly. [To madge] Because 
I happen to be George Barwell's half-brother, you 
can see no good in me. Is that fair? George is 
George and I am Dick. 

MADGE. And I am Polly's elder sister : to the best 
of my ability I take my mother's place. You are 
teaching Polly to act in an underhand manner. Your 
influence is bad. [Turning on j. w.] As for you 

J. w. [Politely] If you please. My turn next. 

MADGE. I do not thank you for teaching my little 
sister to gamble. 

J. w. [Indignant] Bless my soul, little sister is no 
novice. Give you my word, those two children put 
it up on me in a most brazen manner and won every 
toss. 

DICK. [Aside to policy] One forty-five. Don't 
forget. 

poivLY. [Nose in air] I may accompany Richard as 
far as the front door, I presume ? [Sweeps off R. C. 
followed by dick.] 

MADGE. [Pained] This affair with Dick is becom- 
ing serious. 

J. w. Serious, but transitory. Calf love is no 
more durable than calf boots. At the age of 18 
I had loved and lost at least a dozen in batches of 
three or four at a time. 

MADGE. [Smiling] Fickle Jimmy ! 

J. w. [Promptly seises opportunity] That was 
twenty years ago. With age comes wisdom and 
stability. [Falls on knees] Oh, Madge 

13 



MADGE. Don't be absurd, Jimmy. Someone is 
coming. 

J. w. [Ott knees.] No, you don't. You have 

worked that dodge before. Madge, if I swear 

[ROBERTS shows in MII.DRED R. C] Oh, thunder ! 
[Looks for imaginary object under sofa.] 

MADGE. [X to MII.DRED] Mildred, my dearest. 
[They embrace.] 

J. w. [Pretends to find his own handkerchief un- 
der sofa] Ah, here it is. 

MILDRED. [Wise smile] Yes, there it is. 

MADGE. [To MILDRED] You will remain and lunch 
with me ? 

MILDRED. [Assenting] If I may have a bit of 
breakfast first. [Madge instructs Roberts, who ex- 
its R.] 

J. w. This would seem to be my cue for a hasty 
exit. 

MADGE. Get a ticket for Mildred, Jimmy, and come 
back at one o'clock. 

J. w. [Annoyed] May I bring another man? 
There is only one of me, you know. 

MILDRED. Thank you, I am in no mood to go to 
the play. 

J. w. [Relieved] Thank you. [Bows] Ladies, I 
commend myself to your tender consideration. [Bxit 
R. C] 

MADGE. Your husband has been here. 

MILDRED. I met him at the corner. 

MADGE. You refused him money, I hope? 

MILDRED. [Indifferently] No. The cheque was 
ready for my signature. George is most thoughtful 
when his own interests are at stake. 

MADGE. [Impatiently] Why do you part with your 
money ? 

MILDRED. In this instance, to rid myself of Mr. 



Barwell's presence for a blessed forty-eight hours. 

MADGE. But you can't afford such luxuries, Mil- 
dred. Last month you gave him more than a thou- 
sand dollars. 

MILDRED. [Unconcernedly] Mother's little fortune 
is slowly melting away; however, sufficient unto 

MADGE. You reason like a child. 

MILDRED. [Shrug] Or a gambler. Who knows? 
My luck may change. It has run all one way for 
a long time, [madge clasps her hand.] [Gratefully] 
Good old Madge. [Braces up and talks without 
thinking] I must confess, it would be an exhilerat- 
ing experience to live with a man to whom one might 
look up as to a superior being. 

MADGE. [Shocked] Mildred ! 

MILDRED. [Sad smile] Don't take me literally. I 
have no ambition either to poison my husband's cof- 
fee or to elope. Nine days out of ten, drifting with 
the current of events suits me perfectly; on the tenth 
day I regain my moral equilibrium for an instant, 
register my puny protest and relapse into supreme 
indifference to the decrees of Fate. 

MADGE. I cannot bear to hear you talk like this. 
[Timidly] Why do you not seek relief? 

MILDRED. [Nonchalantly] Divorce? Personally, I 
see no reason why such a marriage as mine should 
not be dissolved, but the publicity would break my 
dear old father's heart. 

MADGE. Take him into your confidence; seek his 
advice 

MILDRED. No. He must be spared at any cost, and 

yet [Giving way] Oh, my God, Madge, I have 

borne more than a decent woman should be called 
upon to endure. 

[Enter R. Roberts.] 

ROBERTS. Breakfast is served, ma'am. 

15 



MADGE. Come, Mildred. For the time-being, let 
us forget that such a creature as man exists. 

MILDRED. [Trace of coquette showing] Forget the 
one thing that woman spends a lifetime in remem- 
bering? 

[Exit R. MILDRED and madge.] 

[As ROBERTS is about to follow, polly slips in 
R. C] 

POLLY. [^/jw/>mw^] Hist ! Roberts ! Mr. Richard 
will stop for me at a quarter before two. Stand 
near the door and be careful not to let him ring the 
bell. 

ROBERTS. [Prophetic grumble] Some fine day Miss 
Madge will turn me out bag and baggage. 

POLLY. [Reassuring Never mind, Roberts. When 
I am married, you shall come and live with me. 

ROBERTS. [Sceptic] Fun and famine in a flat, eh? 

POLLY. Roberts, you think of nothing but eating. 

ROBERTS. Yes, Miss. I like to count on one square 
meal a day. 

[Bxit ROBERTS R. C] 

POLLY. [Aloud] Aren't servants eccentric? To 
worry so about his dinner, years in advance. I never 
give a thought to such things. [Ecstasy] I wonder 
what Dick likes for dinner. Snails, of course, and 
calves brains with brown butter sauce and all sorts 
of queer messy things. Such fun ! A dear little 
kitchen, a dear little gas stove and er — and er — oh 
well, if it costs too much to get up meals at home, 
we can always dine out. There are lots of good 
restaurants. 

[ROBERTS shows in HERiNGTON R. C. and retires.] 

HER. [Awkward at first] This should be Miss 
Polly Carter. 

POLLY. [Conventional] I am sure we have met 
before. 

i6 



HER. I rather think we have. You used to sit on 
my lap. [She frowns.] When I went West, Miss 
Polly, you were only eight years old. 

POLivY. [Indifferently'] Indeed. 

HER. I am John Herington. 

poivivY. [Faintly amused] Oh, you are that one? 

HER. [Puzzled] I beg your pardon? 

POLICY. You are the man out West, who sends 
Madge a thick letter every week. 

HER. [Feels like an ass] We exchange letters oc- 
casionally. 

POLICY. [Calmly] Letters ! Volumes ! What on 
earth do you find to put in them? 

[Enter madge R.] 

MADGE. [Cordially] I am so very glad to see you, 
Jack. When did you reach town? 

HER. [Beaming] Last night. I am off again this 
afternoon. 

MADGE. I won't hear of such a thing. You must 
arrange to stay over Sunday. 

HER. Impossible. I am on my way through to 
Washington. 

MADGE. But, Jack, I have promised to go to a mat- 
inee, to-day. We shall see nothing of one another. 

POLLY. [Going] So very pleased to have met you 
again, Mr. Herington. [Exit R. C] 

HER. [To MADGE] Your sister didn't know me, 
after all these years. By Jove, Madge, it's a treat 
to set eyes on you again. 

MADGE. Sit here. Jack, and tell me all about your- 
self. 

HER. [Modestly] My letters have already told you 
everything worth telling. 

MADGE. Do you know you write a bully letter? 

HER. [Warming up] I wonder whether you will 
permit me to tell you how much I value your letters. 

17 



[She frowns] No? All right. Some other time, 
perhaps. [Drops back to friendly tone] I have care- 
fully put away every line from your pen — dozens 
and dozens of letters during the past ten years. You 
people, here in the East, can scarcely appreciate 
how it gratifies a poor devil of a pioneer to receive 
a friendly word now and then from home. 

MADGE. [Changes subject pointedly] Have they 
made you a judge yet. Jack? 

HER. Me? [Quizzical glance] No such luck. 

MADGE. [Fears she has hurt him] Never mind. 
Some day your merits will receive recognition. 
[Quizzing] Why are you not engaged, by this time, 
old man? 

HER. [Quizzing in turn] Am I not engaged? 

MADGE. [Dodging his eyes] Not to my knowl- 
edge 

HER. You should know. Possibly there has been 
some misunderstanding. 

MADGE. [Smiling in spite of herself] Not on my 
part. 

HER. [Warmth] Madge, you have permitted me 
to write you that my dearest ambition is to ask you 
to be my wife. 

MADGE. [Quizzing in turn] Should a true friend 
do aught to discourage the ambition of a rising man ? 

HER. [Pressing forward] If I now put the ques- 
tion in due form? 

MADGE. I shall promptly vote "no" 

HER. [Giving way for the moment] Whereupon I 
declare the motion lost. However, having cast your 
vote in the negative, under the rules it is your privi- 
lege at any time to move to reconsider. 

MADGE. [Making grimace] Just wait until I do so, 
my dear sir. [Serious] Be rational, Jack, and stop 
this nonsense. No man shall even so much as men- 

i8 



tion the word love to me until Polly is settled in a 
home of her own. 

HER. Polly might make her home with us. 

MADGE. In the West? Better consult Polly. 

HER. [Seriously] Is her future all that separates 
us? 

MADGE. I have not said that. As I have written, 
I am your well-wisher, your sincere friend. I have 
never asked myself whether I care more for you 
than for any one of several men. Indeed, I am by 
no means eager to marry. An old school chum of 
mine is enjoying an experience that does not en- 
courage me to entrust my happiness to the mercy 
of any man. You knew her, I think; Mildred Piatt 
that was. 

HER. [Constrained] Yes. A most attractive girl — 

MADGE. After you went West, she married a per- 
fect brute. 

HER. [Colorless] How unfortunate. 

MADGE. However, if she listens to my advice, she 
will divorce him. Look here. Jack, what would you 
advise? 

HER. I am not a divorce lawyer. 

MADGE. Nor is Mildred a typical divorcee. The 
wrong is altogether on the other side. 

HER. [Sternly] Tell her to remain with her hus- 
band. 

MADGE. Don't talk like an old fogey. Is Mil- 
dred's life to be wrecked because she married a man, 
who has since gone to the dogs? Not fifteen min- 
utes ago I said to her 



HER. [Reserved] You have seen her recently? 

MADGE. She is breakfasting in the next room. 
[Coaxing] If Mildred consents to discuss her affairs 
with you, will you give her the benefit of your ex- 
perience ? 

19 



y 



HER. [Reserved] Should your friend see fit to 
consult me professionally, I shall not refuse to ad- 
vise her. [madge X to door R. and calls off] 

MADGE. Mildred, won't you permit me to present 
someone whom you knew years ago? 

HER. [Reserve ebbing] Don't give my name. Test 
her memory, [mildred in door R.] 

MADGE. Do you remember Mr. ? [Steps 

aside.] 

MILDRED. [Calm as a Summer's day, X and shakes 
hands with hErington, using a good deal of side] 
I recall Mr. Herington very distinctly. [Politely 
insolent] Wherfe have you been all these years? 

HER. [/// at ease] In the West. 

MiiyDRED. The West is such a large place. 

HER. I make my home in Dakota. 

MADGE. [Significantly] One of the divorce States. 

MILDRED. [Frivolous] How very convenient. 

MADGE. Mrs. Barwell contemplates bringing an 
action for divorce. 

MiEDRED. [Trivial manner] My plans are quite 
unsettled. At present I am having so much trouble 
with my servants that everything else has become 

a matter of secondary importance [Turns away 

from HERINGTON and meets barwEEL, zvho enters 
R. C] 

BAR. [In presence of outsider, assumes heavy do- 
mestic] My dear, I found this despatch waiting for 
you upon the hall table. 

MILDRED. [Surprised] For me? [Takes despatch] 
Thank you. 

BAR. [Jealous, attempts to look over her shoulder] 
Nothing unpleasant, I hope. 

MILDRED. [Scanning contents, delighted] Father 
will spend Sunday with us. 

BAR. [Correcting] With you, my angel — I shall be 

20 



out of town. 

MILDRED. [Beaming] I am so glad. 

BAR. [Growls] Are you? 

MILDRED. [Timidly explains] Glad to have father 
with me during your absence, George. 

BAR. [Placated] Oh ! 

MILDRED. [Turns hesitating from barwEll to hEr- 

ington] Have you met Mr. Barwell ? [As she 

speaks HERiNGTON turns full face towards barwELL.] 

BAR. [Recognising herington, can't be too af- 
fable] My dear Senator, this is indeed a small world. 

HER. [Official manner] I confess you have the 
advantage, sir. 

BAR. [Ingratiating himself] I had the honor of 
meeting you last evening at your hotel. 

HER. [Impassive] Indeed. 

BAR. Our good friend Congressman Black took 
me to call upon you, directly you reached town. 

HER. [Official bow] Ah yes ! I recall the incident. 
[Turns away.] 

MADGE. Jack, does he know what he is saying? 
Have they made you a Senator? Oh, Jack, you old 
fraud, I am so proud of you. [madge and heRING- 
TON confer.] 

BAR. [Aside to mildred] Ask him to dinner. 
[Aloud] Dine with us to-night, Senator. You will 
enjoy meeting my father-in-law, a distinguished New 
England jurist. 

HER. Unfortunately, at three o'clock I leave for 
Washington 

BAR. [Insistent] No, no, dine with us. Senator, 
and I'll go over with you on the midnight. I have 
arranged to spend several days in Washington push- 
ing that little matter in which you were kind enough 
to display some interest last evening. 

MADGE. [Pleading] Say yes, Jack, I'll rush home 

21 



directly after the matinee and give you the rest of 
the afternoon. 

BAR. [Aside to mildred, who is struggling against 
her own inclinations] Don't be a damned snob. Ask 
the fellow to dinner. I can use him in my business. 
[She looks wildly at her husband, perceiving the 
danger which confronts her.] 

MILDRED. [Slowly approaching herington] Per- 
haps, if Madge and Polly consent to join us. Senator 
Herington will 

HER. [Unyielding] I regret extremely 



MiEDRED. [Drawing near] Oh but I shan't take 
no for an answer. Come to us quite informally. 
[Drops voice to an aside, looking at him coquet- 
tishly] Please Jack, [herington gives a start as 
he catches the expression of her eye, for an instant 
checks himself, then slowly hows his acceptance.] 

BAR. [Loud and discordant, up C] Good work ! 

CURTAIN. 



22 



SECOND ACT. 



23 



ACT II. 

SCENE: Same as Act I. On chair up stage is thrown 

Madge's street wrap. 
TIME: About 1.40 P. M. same day as Act I. 
DISCOVERED : Roberts showing in J. W. R. C. 

J. w. \^Briskly^ Better late than never, Roberts. 

ROBERTS. Yes, sir ; luncheon was served a good 
half hour ago. 

[poivLY rushes in R."] 

POEEY. [Indignantly] As usual, behind time ! 

J. w. [Placating] My dear girl 

[£.i;/7 R. ROBERTS.] 

POLLY. It w^ill be your fault if Dick runs into 
Madge. 

J. w. Trust me to bolt my lunch in the most ob- 
liging fashion. 

POLLY. If you can't eat enough during the next ten 
minutes, go out between the acts and buy a sandwich. 

J. w. [Placid grin] Madge doesn't permit me to 
go out between the acts. 

[madge^ wearing hat, appears in doorway R.] 

MADGE. Come, Jimmy, we shall be very late. Be- 
sides, you are keeping Polly from her lunch. 

J. w. [Aggrieved glance at polly] Well, I am 

speechless ! 

[Exit R., MADGE, briskly followed by j. w. — polly 
is about to folloiv ivhen Roberts shows in barwell 
and SERRANO R. C. Exit Roberts R. C. serrano re- 
mains up C] 

25 



BAR. [Coming down] Pretty Polly 

POLLY. [Turning] Dick ! [Annoyed] Oh, it's you. 

BAR. You permit my kid brother to address you in 
that familiar manner? 

SERRANO. [Sidling up to barwell] She is charm- 
ing! Present me. 

bar. [Grins at Spaniard's enthusiasm] Miss Paul- 
ine Carter, — Senor Serrano, nephew of his Excel- 
lency, the President of the Republic of Guatama 

[To poely] Where is your dear sister? 

POEEY. [Worried] Madge must not be disturbed. 

BAR. [Nonchalant] Either Madge comes to me, 
or I go to her. 

poEEY. Further delay ! This is maddening ! 
[Flounces off R.] 

SERRANO. [Watching her] Beautiful! The daugh- 
ter of your friend, you know her well? 

BAR. [Lasily] No poaching, Serrano. 

SERRANO. [Gratified smile] I am incapable ! 

BAR. [Cynical] Ha! Ha! 

[Enter R. madge.] 

MADGE. [Impatiently] My guests are at table. 

BAR. Don't urge us to stop. Serrano is so restless. 

[SERRANO seises excuse to how low.] 

[madge ignores him.] 

MADGE. [To barwEel] Why do you bring such a 
person to our house? 

BAR. Your father vouches for him ; however 

[Shrugs shoulders. X nonchalantly to serrano] As 
a favor, Senor, go and sit in the hansom. [Aside] 
Miss Carter desires to speak with me privately. 

SERRANO. Ah ! ha ! [Exit R. C, with a knowing 
look.] 

BAR. This morning we agreed that my absence 
from town might clarify the domestic atmosphere. 

MADGE. "Purify" would be the better word. 

26 



BAR. [Anxiously] Senator Herington is here ? 

MADGE. I expect him at any moment. 

BAR. And Mildred? 

MADGE. [Unwillingly'] Mildred is here. 

BAR. [Rapidly] An hour ago our new Minister 
to Denmark was stricken with apoplexy on the way 
to his steamship. He cannot live. You have known 
Herington for many years ? 

MADGE. [Doubtfully] Well? 

BAR. [Rapidly] Serrano has inside information 
that our present Minister to Guatama has been prom- 
ised the first European vacancy. Herington must 
have me chosen to fill the vacancy thus created at 
Guatama. 

MADGE. [Delighted: incredulous] Are you serious? 
If Senator Herington succeeds in having you ap- 
pointed Minister to Guatama, you will go away and 
leave Mildred unmolested? 

BAR. [Assenting] Besides, there is always the at- 
tractive possibility that the tropical climate may 
carry me off to a spot far warmer than Guatama. 

MADGE. [Heartily] I'll do my utmost to enlist 
Jack Herington's services on your behalf. 

BAR. That's the talk. Send Mildred here. 

MADGE. [Doubtfully] You will not ? 

BAR. I am as playful as a kitten. Trot her out. 
[Exit R. MADGE. BARWEEE gocs Up to wiiidow and, 
zvhile pantomiming off stage, says aloud] Patience, 
Senor. One moment, and I rejoin you. 

[Enter R. miedred.] 

MiEDRED. [Coldly] What are you doing? 

BAR. [Comes down, instantly rubbed the wrong 
way] Saluting a friend of the male persuasion — 
nothing worse. [Curt] I have a couple of foreigners 
on my hands who will dine with us to-night. 

MILDRED. [Petulant] Must you drag in people 

27 



whom nobody knows? 

BAR. [Harshly] I know them. [Eagerly] Don't 
let Herington back out. I shall use him as a table 
decoration. It isn't everybody who can exhibit a 
live United States Senator. These foreigners have 
made me an attractive proposition to go to Guatama. 

MILDRED. [Catching her breath] You are planning 
to go to Guatama? 

BAR. Too good to be true, eh ? Yes, if things can 
be arranged in Washington, you shall enjoy the ex- 
quisite pleasure of bidding me a long farewell. [Ear- 
nestly] Herington's backing will be simply invalu- 
able. 

MILDRED. To you? In what w^ay? 

BAR. [Rapidly] Within twenty-four hours our 
Minister to Guatama will be slated for promotion. 
I must have the Guatama appointment. 

MILDRED. [Suspicious] Why? 

BAR. [Searching for explanation] Er — er — the sal- 
ary is something, and besides, it will give me an of- 
ficial standing in the community, which means a 
lot in those one-horse Spanish-American republics. 
[MILDRED remains immobile] [Genially] Here is 
your golden opportunity to earn a matrimonial holi- 
day — get busy with Herington, and see what you 
can do. 

MILDRED. [Shrinks back] Make friends with Sen- 
ator Herington? 

BAR. [Insolently] Fast friends, if you like — Madge 
will also do her best to bring him round my way. 

MILDRED. A word from Madge will be quite suf- 
ficient. She has known Senator Herington since 
girlhood. 

BAR. [Pointed] And for that very reason may 
possess little or no influence. Your face and figure 
are infinitely superior to hers. 

28 



MILDRED. George, if you were a human being ! 

BAR. Cut it out. Cut it out. This is business. 

MILDRED. [Haughty] You instruct me to open a 
flirtation with Senator Herington? 

BAR. I give you carte blanche. You'll find him a 
cinch, or I'm no judge of character. Politicians are 
as vain as clergymen. 

MILDRED. This is simply out of the question. 

BAR. [Persuasively] Get Herington into telephone 
communication with the State Department this aft- 
ernoon. To-morrow there will be a score of ap- 
plicants for the post. 

MILDRED, [firmly] I shall do nothing of the kind. 

BAR. [Incensed] The hell you won't ! You will do 
nothing to make yourself useful, but you can come 
whining to me for money every ten minutes — when 
I have any. [Sca^ining her face] Look here, Mil- 
dred, don't be timid. This fellow is a new hand at 
the Washington game. He won't venture to ask 
favors in return. 

MILDRED. [Haughtily] H he should? 

BAR. [Insolently] One ray of sunshine doesn't 
melt an iceberg. [Enter R. C, herington.] [Over 
genial] Ah, Senator, Mrs. Barwell, more fortunate 
than her better half, is to have the pleasure of 
lunching in your company. 

HER. [Non-committal] I have been detained 

BAR. Business drags me away. [Forcing hering- 
ton to take his hand] Until eight o'clock, Senator. 
[Significant glance at mildred] Sans adieu, my dear. 
[Exit R. C] 

her. [Gravely] I have stolen away from an im- 
portant conference in order to come here. 

MILDRED. [Lightly, to cover feelings] Make no 
apology for stealing, my dear sir. Are you not a 
member of the United States Senate? 

29 



HER. [Smiling gravely] That thrust comes with 
bad grace from you. 

MiivDRED. [Venturesome] Indeed! May I ask why? 

HER. You were indirectly responsible for the one 
dishonest act of my career. 

MILDRED. Won't you please tell me what you 
mean? 

HER. Years ago, when you had a fad for collect- 
ing autographs ? 

MiEDRED. [Assenting] Yes, I have never parted 
with my collection. 

HER. I once abstracted a letter written by Lincoln 
from a file of old documents in the office where I 
served my clerkship as a law student. 

MiEDRED. Pray what had I to do with that? 

HER. You were a receiver of stolen goods, I am 
afraid. I enclosed the Lincoln letter in a commu- 
nication which I happened to be sending you at that 
time. [Pointed] It was June, 1898. 

MILDRED. [Haughty] No such letter is in my pos- 
session. 

HER. [Easily] The letter was of no great value. 
My employer promptly forgave me the theft. 

MILDRED. [Some warmth] No letter such as you 
describe ever came into my possession. 

HER. [Slight sneer] The mails were strangely un- 
reliable during June, 1898. 

MILDRED. [Smilingly] You are confusing me with 
some other woman. Senator. 

HER. [Gravely] I have been in the habit of con- 
fusing you with any number of women ! [She re- 
fuses to meet his eyes] What are you doing this aft- 
ernoon, Mildred? 

MILDRED. [Shivers as he utters her name] At five 
o'clock I go to meet father. [Byes meeting his] 
Until five ? 

30 



HER. Until five? 

MII.DRED. [Coquettishly] That remains to be de- 
termined. [Seeming irrelevance] Tell me, do you 
wear glasses ? 

HER. [Palsied] For reading, yes. 

MiEDRED. May I examine them? 

HER. [Handing case] Certainly? 

MILDRED. [Places case on table] If, after lunch, 
you say au revoir, and set out for your hotel, what 
is likely to happen when you find that you have 
mislaid this case? 

HER. [Hesitating] Madge would not approve? 

MILDRED. Madge will not be here to disapprove. 

HER. But — in her absence — to appropriate her 
drawing room ? 

MiEDRED. [Baby innocent eyes] Why, what do you 
mean? [hErington looks uncomfortable] Yielding 
to the entreaty of my friend, Miss Carter, I have 
agreed to consult a lawyer. Miss Carter has even 
selected my legal adviser. Situated as I am, the 
home of my friend is obviously the most suitable 
spot for a conference. 

HER. [Boyish laugh] Obviously ! [Growing light 
headed] Mildred, you are 

MIEDRED. [Playful, yet steadying him] I am what 
I am. 

[Enter R., poley^ anxiously.] 

POELY. [X to window] Why are you two not at 
lunch ? 

MIEDRED. [Calmly] You may answer that ques- 
tion, Senator. 

HER. [Lightly] It was not for me to suggest a 
move, Mrs. Barwell. 

MILDRED. Poor soul ! [X. R., significantly] I 
promise not to mention the word business again this 
afternoon. 

31 



HER. [Following MILDRED] Miss Polly will ex- 
cuse us? 

[Exit R. — MILDRED and herington.] 

POLLY. [Coming down, glances at clock] I will 
excuse anything and anybody, except that fat, lazy 
Jimmy Williams. 

[Enter R. C, Roberts, card on salver.'] 

ROBERTS. Miss Polly, pray don't blame me, Mr. 
Richard won't stay out. 

POLLY. [Alarmed] Mr. Richard must not come in. 
[Enter R. C, dick, important air] Are you losing 
your senses, Dick? Madge is still in the house. 

dick. That suits me perfectly. [To roberTs] 
Take my card to Miss Carter, if you please. 

POLLY, [Tears up card] Roberts shall do nothing 
of the kind. 

dick. Madge called me down this morning. I 
don't blame her. You and I have been a bit deceit- 
ful. Hereafter our actions shall be open and above 
board. [Gives fresh card to Roberts] Let Miss 
Carter know that I am here. [To polly, chest out] 
I shall inform Madge that we are bound for the play 
and ask for a bit of lunch. 

POLLY. [Scornfully] A bit of lunch indeed. Madge 
will treat you to a bit of cold tongue, with sauce 
vinaigrette. 

dick. [Lofty] May I have my own way, just 
once? 

POLLY. [Angry dignity to Roberts] Do as Mr. 
Barwell bids. [Exit R. Roberts.] [To dick] I can 
stand this, Richard, if you can. Mark my words, 
Madge will carry me off to Europe, [pouting] just 
as my first season out is about to begin. 

[Enter R., madge, hastily.] 

dick. [Stoutly] I have come to take Polly to the 
play. 

32 



poivivY. [Backing up dick] Yes, we are going to 
the play together. Have you any comment to make ? 

MADGE. I have. [Bmphatic] You are not to go to 
the play together. 

poivivY. [Disgusted. To dick] You see. That is 
what you get for being candid. 

MADGE. Polly ! [Less sternly] I thank you, Rich- 
ard, for your courtesy in consulting me. Polly is 
no longer a little girl. This sort of thing cannot go 
on. I must withhold my consent. 

FOLEY. [Spunky] Don't be surprised then, if we 
go without it. 

DICK. [Coaxing] Just this once. Miss Carter, or 
the tickets will be a dead loss, and you have no idea 
how hard up I am. 

MADGE. [Weakening] Which play did you select? 

POEEY. "The Peer and the Poodle." 

MADGE. [Turning on dick] You are willing to 
have my sister witness such a performance? 

DICK. [Astonished] Why not? Is there anything 
queer about it? 

MADGE [Quoting J. w.] It's a beastly thing — vul- 
gar and broad. 

DICK. The deuce it is ! Who told you that ? 

MADGE. Someone by no means squeamish — Jimmy 
Williams. He assured me only this morning that 
there is scarcely a line in the text to which a self- 
respecting woman should listen. 

[Enter R., j. w. briskly.] 

J. w. All ready, Madge. [Surprised to see dick] 
Hello! You here? [Catches gaze of trio centred on 
himself] I beg your pardon? Have I spilt anything 
on my waistcoat? 

MADGE. [Severely] Mr. Williams, I appeal to you. 
Is the 'Teer and the Poodle" a proper piece for 
Polly to witness? 

33 



J. w. [Perceives danger ahead] Do you know, I 
believe I'll dash back and fortify myself with a sec- 
ond slice of cold chicken. 

DICK. [Blocks his retreat] Hold on, Williams. I 
agree to abide by your decision. That play is per- 
fectly harmless, is it not? 

J. w. I should prefer not to discuss the point. 

poivivY. [To J. w.] Traitor! [To dick] He has 
been trying to make character with Madge by block- 
ing our plans. 

MADGE. [Quickly, to J. w.] Then you were aware 
that these two children had arranged to go to a mat- 
inee? 

J. w. [Despondent, sits with folded arms] This 
is one of those things that simply cannot be ex- 
plained to the satisfaction of all parties concerned. 

MADGK. [Hurt] You two men, who evidently had 
some sort of an understanding, had best go to the 
play together. 

DICK. [Gesticulating with two brown tickets] I'm 
hanged if I go with Williams. 

J. w. [Tearing up two green tickets in disgust] 
Your sentiments are cordially reciprocated, old chap. 
There go five dollars. 

[MILDRED and hErington stroll on R. C, remain- 
ing up stage.] 

POEEY [Aghast] All stay away and waste four 
matinee tickets ? You must be crazy. 

DICK. [Placing his tickets in madge's hand — 
glances at poeey] Since you are anxious to see the 
new piece. Miss Carter, why not use our tickets? 

MADGE. [Chilly] Thank you, I don't care to leave 
Polly. 

MiEDRED. [Coming down] Let me play chaperone. 
The Senator is about to take his departure, my dear. 

HER. [/// at ease] Forgive me if I eat and run. 

34 



MADGE. But you have not half finished luncheon, 
Jack. 

HER. I rarely take more than a bite in the middle 
of the day. 

J. w. [Aside — disgruntled — jealous] That fellow 
and I have positively nothing in common. 

MADGE. [Giving hand to hErington] Shall I see 
you, then, at five? 

HER. [Absently] At five? 

MADGE. Have you forgotten our tete-a-tete after 
the matinee? 

J. w. [Jealous — aside] The devil ! I'll propose 
again directly the curtain falls on the first act. 

HER. [Shaking hands with madge] Until five, then, 

[miedred goes up C with herington, who exits 
R. C] 

MADGE. [Questioning poeey] It is understood then 
that you remain with Mildred? 

MiEDRED. [In window] Of course she will, Madge. 
Run along. Why should you forego a pleasant aft- 
ernoon? [Waves hand in window to hErington.] 

J. w. [Conceitedly] Why, indeed? [Examines 
tickets in madge^s hand] These seats are on the 
fourth row center. How can you resist? 

[ROBERTS appears R. C. with jimmy's hat, over- 
coat, etc.] 

MADGE. [Yielding, hands tickets to j. w.] If any- 
one were to take you seriously, jimmy^ you would be 
in hot water half the time. 

J. w. [Regaining vivacity at a bound] If any 
woman ever takes me seriously, I dare say I shall be 
in hot water all the time. [Goes up, lays down tick- 
ets in order to work into overcoat — forgets tickets.] 

POELY. [Down stage, bitterly to dick] I am dished 
out of a matinee. 

DICK. [Aside to poeey] Steady, old girl. We'll 

35 



cut on the quiet next Saturday. No more open and 
above board work for me. 

J. w. [Up C. hat, gloves, stick in hand] Now 
then ! [Exit R. C, Roberts.] 

MADGE. [Up C. with MiEDRED, zvho has helped her 
into coat] Ready. Be good children. 

MILDRED. We'll try. [Exit R. C, madge and j. w.] 
[Comes down, smiling at poely's frozvns.'] Cheer up, 
Polly; all is not lost. I haven't the vaguest notion 
as to the duties of a chaperone. 

FOLEY. [Regains cheerfulness] First, you secure 
a man of your own to talk to. 

MILDRED. [Dubious] Oh ! 

dick. Then you promptly make yourself scarce. 

POLLY. No, no Mildred, you are one in ten thou- 
sand. We waive our rights. 

[All sit on sofa, mildrEd C] 

MILDRED. [Sighs] At last I am a gooseberry. 

DICK. [Sudden inspiration] Promise not to blab, 
if I tell you something exciting? 

MILDRED. [Gravely] Please tell me nothing that 
must be concealed from Madge. 

POLLY. [To dick] Let me, Dicky. 

DICK. Fire away, Polly. Mildred won't squeal. 

POLLY. [Defiance to the zvorld] Dick and I are 
engaged to be married. 

MILDRED. [Smiling] At your age? You silly 
babies. 

DICK. That's the point. Is Polly too young to 
know her own mind? 

MILDRED. [Abruptly] At eighteen? No. [Quali- 
fying] Not necessarily — so much depends. [Grow- 
ing sentimental] Richard Barwell, do you love this 
child? 

DICK. With all my heart. 

MILDRED. [Searchingly] Never a doubting mo- 

36 



nient ? 

DICK. Never a moment's doubt, Mildred, upon my 
honor. 

MILDRED. And you, Polly? 

POivivY. [Ecstatic] Oh, Mildred, whenever I think 
of Dick I feel — oh I can't describe my feelings, but 
they upset me so. 

DICK. [Anxiously] What do you advise? 

MILDRED. [Swayed by sympathy and sense] What 
can I advise. I am a sentimental fool. [Sentiment 
runs away with her] Polly, if you are sure of your 
own heart, cling to Dick. A girl's first love becomes 
life's blessing or her bitterest memory. [Softly] I 
knew a girl once, a mere lass as you are, and she, 
too, loved her laddie. In her case, as in yours, the 
course of true love was not smooth. [Pause] In 
time she married elsewhere, [dick gently strokes 
MiLDRED^s hand. She quickly adopts ultra-smart tone] 
Bless the boy ! A wise woman never tells her own 
story. [Rising] There ! Promise not to elope while 
my back is turned, and I'll bury myself in the library. 
[Exit R. C] 

DICK. [Excited] Does that word suggest anything 
to you? 

POLLY. What word? 

DICK. Elope ! I believe she meant it as a tip. 

POLLY. [Frightened] No, Dicky, no. 

DICK. [Boyish] Come on. Are you game? 

POLLY. Oh, Richard, it all seems so dreadfully 
final. 

DICK. Final ? Rather. [Looking at her with aston- 
ishment] Am I to understand that you have not 
been in earnest all this time ? 

POLLY. [Miserable] Dick, dear, you do not doubt 
my love? 

DICK. [A bit stilted] No, no, Polly, but it seems 

37 



very odd that you should hesitate to give me this 
supreme proof of your confidence. 

POLLY. [Searching his eyes] I — I — Oh Dick, when 
you find that you cannot rid yourself of me, you 
may repent this step. 

DICK. [Chilly] Such a thought could scarcely en- 
ter your mind, Polly, if you really loved me. 

POLLY. [Throwing herself in his arms] I love and 
trust you. I will do whatever you desire. [Piteously 
anxious] You will never say harsh things? Just 
let me love and admire you? 

DICK. [Magnanimously] I'll try. 

[Enter R. C, carter.] 

POLLY. Hello, Dad. 

CARTER. My dear ! [To dick] Polly forgets that 
I am not a companion of her own age. 

DICK. [Smoothly] There is nothing to indicate to 
the contrary, sir. 

CARTER. [Smirking] Richard, I am not susceptible 
to flattery. [Offers case] Cigarette? 

DICK. [Surprised] In here ? 

CARTER. [Apprehensively] I was told that Madge 
had gone out. 

POLLY. [Laughing] So she has. Dad. Smoke 
wherever you like. I'll get the segars for Dick. 
[Runs off R.] 

CARTER. [Lighting cigarette. Pettishly to Dick] 
You see my position, Richard. I am the victim of 
moderate circumstances. 

[folly returns R. with matches and cigars.] 

CARTER. [Warningly, as dick takes a cigar] Madge 
buys those cigars; however, man has but one life to 
live, [dick lights up] I dashed home upon hearing 
that Mrs. Harwell was lunching here. 

POLLY. Mildred is in the library. 

CARTER. [Face falls] Oh ! 

38 



DICK. [Arch glance] Alone. 

CARTER. [Radiant] Ah ! 

DICK. [Manoeuvring] Polly, why not ask Mildred 
to join us here? 

CARTER. Do. Somehow I never feel at ease in the 
library. [Turns to mirror and arranges hair, tie, 
etc.] 

DICK. [Aside to poley] Send Mildred here; I'll 
get the old man's car and meet you at the corner in 
fifteen minutes. I know a place in Connecticut 
where they marry you while you wait. 

POEEY. [Laughing fondly] Dear old boy ! 

CARTER. [Without turning round] Eh? 

POEEY. [Quick witted] Dear old boy, shall you 
mind if I lie down for a bit? We are dining out 
to-night. 

CARTER. [Turns abruptly, frowning] Who is to 
entertain Dick? 

DICK. [Quickly] I must jog along, sir. 

CARTER. [Gratified] Ah ! [Solicitous to poeey] 
By all means, go to. your room, my dear. You ap- 
pear greatly fatigued. 

[poEEY, going C, meets miedrEd — stops for an in- 
stant as though explaining; shakes hands ''good-bye" 
— then exits.] 

CARTER. [Pointedly offers hand to dick] Must 
you go so soon ? 

DICK. [Bubbling over with laughter] I have a 
pressing engagement, sir. 

MIEDRED. [X to look at clock, then looks out of 
window, then shrugs shoulders indifferently and, 
coming down, shakes hands with carter, saying] 
Walk home with me, Dick 

DICK. Can't possibly, Mildred. 

CARTER. [Forcing dick out R. C] Punctuality is 
the courtesy of kings. By bye, my boy. [Bxit R. C. 

39 



DICK, Gallantly to mildred] If you will accept the 
escort of an old fellow, Mrs. Harwell, I shall be 
delighted to see you home. \_She smilingly assents — 
he gets gay'\ Must we start at once ? 

MILDRED. [Making room on sofa] I fancy the 
grippe has affected my hearing. 

CARTER. [Taking the hint] Shouting strains my 
throat. [Sits — effusively] Mildred, you are the 
most bewitching of women. Nothing but the fact 
that you are unavailable deters me from braving 
matrimony a second time. 

MILDRED. [Sighs and makes eyes] Alas, that my 
husband should thus stand between happiness and 
myself. 

CARTER. Apropos ! [Faces her, throwing arm along 
hack of sofa] You will permit me [Hitch to- 
ward her] A man old enough to be your father — 
appearances are so deceptive — to do you a great 
favor ? 

MILDRED. [Making eyes] Can I refuse you any- 
thing ? 

CARTER. You are committing the error, by no 
means common among young wives, of giving your 
husband too little to worry about. 

MILDRED. [Humor of the situation appealing to 
her] It is sweet of you to talk like that. 

CARTER. [Encouraged] Not at all ; not at all. 
Through over-confidence in you, George has grad- 
ually permitted himelf to relapse into — shall we say, 
bachelor ways? 

MILDRED. You have such a nice way of saying 
nasty things. 

CARTER. [Intense] Once give George reasonable 
grounds to suspect that — Hem ! — a really dangerous 
man is supplanting him in your affections and, my 
word for it, he will make haste to resume his proper 

40 



place at your feet, 

MII.DRED. [Mock intensity] Would yoii be willing 
to co-operate with me in the fulfillment of this laud- 
able design? 

CARTER. [Delighted] Hem ! I don't wish to appear 
officious — but — if you insist 

MILDRED. Just what would you advise? 

CARTER. Select a — Hem ! — a confederate of mid- 
dle age — a man old enough to conduct himself dis- 
creetly — sufficiently young to prove entertaining and 
[eyes close to hers] receive him as frequently as 
possible. 

MiEDRED. [Downcast eyes] Middle-aged men are 
so attractive. What if I were to become really in- 
fatuated ? 

CARTER. [Chest expands] The woman always runs 
that risk, poor creature. [Stmts up and down con- 
ceitedly.] 

MILDRED. [As though cogitating] Your plan, 
though wonderfully ingenious, is deficient in one 
respect. 

CARTER. [Tenderly over hack of sofa] Which is? 

MILDRED. [Rising and resuming conventional tone] 
You have failed to take into consideration the tri- 
fling detail that I am by no means anxious to bring 
George Barwell back to my side. [Enter R. C, her- 
INGTON. Going forward, formally, shakes hands] 
Senator Herington. [Lowers voice] I had quite 
given you up. 

HER. [Having detained her hand unnecessarily, X 
to carter] Mr. Carter, you do not recognize me ? 

CARTER. [Puts on glasses, patronising] John Her- 
ington ! Why, what brought you East, John ? 

HER. Business in Washington, Sir. 

CARTER. [Blandly] Ah, yes. You have secured a 
government position? 

41 



HER. [Smiling] Yes, sir. 

CARTER. Good ! In which department ? 

HER. The Senate. 

CARTER. Not bad, John. This may lead to some- 
thing better. 

HER. [Quissical smile] I hope so, I am sure. 

MiEDRED. [Unable to conceal her pride in hERING- 
ton] Mr. Herington is a member of the United 
States Senate. 

carter. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Don't you wish that were 
true, John? 

HER. [Smiling] I have every reason to beHeve 
that Mrs. Barwell does not exaggerate. 

carter. [Heartily] Why Herington, why John, 
this is glorious. I wish my wife were here to enjoy 
this. You were one of her boys, when you first 
came to New York 

HER. [Reverently] God bless her warm heart. She 
bade me welcome to this house when I was poor and 
absurdly proud. 

CARTER. You were a forty-fourth cousin, twice 
removed, and deucedly hard up. I found you a 
couple of young numskulls, who required the serv- 
ices of a tutor. 

HER. [Gratefully] Their money went a long way 
toward paying my expenses in the law school. 

CARTER. [Swelling with importance] Exactly ! In 
a sense, I may regard you as my protege. My pro- 
tege a Senator ! I felicitate myself upon your suc- 
cess in life. [Abruptly to miedred] You knew one 
another in the old days, I think. 

MILDRED. Yes, indeed. 

CARTER. [Genially] Of course, of course ! What 
a foolish question ! I forgot that you were once 
engaged, [herington and miedred petrified R. and 
Lr.] And now we are good friends and meet with no 

42 



ill will on either side? Quite right. It's a mistake 
to have any feeling in such matters. 

MILDRED. [With an effort] How did you ? 

HER. Let me. [To carter] Mr. Carter, what leads 
you to infer that I once had the honor to be engaged 
to Mrs. Barwell? 

carter. My wife told me, in strict confidence. 

HER. [Aside to miedred] I turned to her for sym- 
pathy, when the wound was bleeding. 

miedred. [Aloud] She betrayed you. Never trust 
a woman. 

CARTER. [Pettishly] Tut! Tut! Between man 
and wife there should be no secrets — especially the 
wife's. I promised Mrs. Carter not to pass it on. 

HER. [Gravely] Will you be good enough to re- 
gard that promise as still binding? 

CARTER. [Peevish] My dear boy, don't make a 
mountain out of a mole hill. I haven't committed 
murder. 

MIEDRED. [Impulsively] Senator Herington is act- 
ing as my legal adviser. 

CARTER. [Byes begin to open] Oh, ho ! 

HER. [Graz^ely assenting] Mrs. Barwell retains 
me at the request of your daughter Madge. 

CARTER. [Shrewdly] Herington, are you a mar- 
ried man? 

HER. [With a glance at miedred] Not yet. 

CARTER. [Xs to MIEDRED — paternal] You are a 
sweet girl, my dear and deserving of all happiness, 
but — Oh, children, I am an old fool, I dare say, to 
meddle in other people's affairs. I am proud and 
fond of you both. John Herington [X pugnaciously 
to herington] if the breath of scandal touches this 
woman's fair name, I shall make a conscientious 
effort to break every bone in your body. [Bx'it 
R. C] 

43 



[Pause — MILDRED and herington conscious that 
the beginning of the end is near; momentarily he 
appears cool, she shoiL's agitation.] 

HER. [With a shrug and a glance toward Carter's 

retreating figure] Fools venture in Shall I leave 

you, Mildred? Decide. 

MILDRED. [Unflinchingly] Through no weakness 
of ours, the ice is broken. Remain. [Quietly ex- 
tends her hand which he gravely takes, each study- 
ing the other's eyes.] 

MILDRED. [Coming back to earth] Come, we must 
leave this house at once. 

HER. [Surprised] Why so? 

MILDRED. I cannot face Mr. Carter again. 

HER. The old boy has told us nothing new. 
[Fondly] You won't dispute that we were once be- 
trothed ? 

MILDRED. [Agitated] What is the extent of his 
information? How much of our story did you con- 
fide to Mrs. Carter? 

HER. [Gently] Hush, Mildred. Your question is 
an insult. Our history remains a secret between 
you and me. 

MILDRED. [Bitterly] And George Barwell. 

HER. [Dismayed] What ! 

MILDRED. [Faltering] I told him that I had been 
in love before I met him. 

HER. [Offering hand] Good bye. 

MILDRED. Good bye? You are angry with me? 

HER. [Explaining] To be seen together, while 
this divorce is pending 

MILDRED. [Slowly, eyes cast down] Mr. Barwell 
is ignorant of the other man's name. 

HER. [Surprised, irresolutely] Oh ! 

MILDRED. [Halting explanation^ There was always 
the possibility that you and I might be brought face 

44 



to face in his presence. It would have proved most 
awkward. 

HKR. [Amused, despite gravity of situation] Wo- 
man, woman, you close the door upon the past, yet 
leave the latch string hanging out. [Yielding to 
temptation, he returns to her and bends gently to 
kiss her hand] It won't do. Good bye. 

MiivDRED. [Going all to pieces'] Not my hand, Jack, 
oh not my hand. 

[He takes her in his arms. A moment later, hear- 
ing the front door close, she lifts her head.] 

MILDRED. Listen ! 

HER. [Tranquil, having heard nothing] What is 
it, dear? 

MILDRED. [Frightened] Stay where you are. 
[Springs away from him, and X, he following for a 
few steps, pussled] No, no, you must not follow me. 
Stay where you are. 

[Enter R. C, madge in time to witness part of 
Mildred's retreat and overhear "You must not fol- 
low me. Stay where you are." Picture !] 

MILDRED. [To MADGE, making conversation rap- 
idly] Has anything gone wrong? What brings you 
back so suddenly? 

MADGE. [Byes on herington] So unexpectedly, 
it would seem. 

[Enter R. C, j. w. disconsolate.] 

J. w. [Sadly] I am the goat. [Picks up tickets] 
Here are the tickets. I am desperately sorry. 

MILDRED. [Talking feverishly] How unfortunate ! 
Jimmy forgot the tickets? 

MADGE. [Savage eyes fastened on herington] 
Perhaps it was just as well. 

J. w. [Piteoiisly] We were a trifle late. The 
house was sold out. I couldn't procure another pair 
of seats for love nor money. [To madge] Shall we 

45 



return for the last two acts? 

MADGE. [Snaps] No. 

J. w. [Patience exhausted, snaps back] Oh ! well, 
don't get crusty. 

MADGE. [Kindly] I beg your pardon, Jimmy. For- 
give me if I appear put out. 

J. w. [Recovers spirits] You were not put out, 
you know. We couldn't get in. 

MADGE. You may smoke in the library. I have a 
word to say to this [scornful] gentleman. 

J. w. [Going, to Mildred] It's a bit unusual for 
Madge to spare me and row with someone else. 
Does it mean that she has taken a fancy to this fel- 
low? [Exit R. C] 

MILDRED. [To HERiNGTON — making talk fever- 
ishly] Madge and Mr. Williams are great friends — 

HER. [Outwardly calm] Yes? 

MADGE. [Crushing directness] My friends need 
give Senator Herington no further concern. He 
is no longer enrolled among their number. 

MILDRED. Listen, Madge 

HER. [Sternly] This is my quarrel, if you please, 
Mrs. Barwell. 

MADGE. Through me you were permitted to renew 
your acquaintance with Mrs. Barwell; through me 
you were admitted to her confidence. Under the 
circumstances an insult to Mrs. Barwell is an insult 
to myself. Leave this house 

MILDRED. Stop, Madge. When John Herington 
leaves this house, I go with him. 

[madge turns to her in amazement.] 

HER. Mildred, in justice to Madge, yourself and 
me, an explanation should be made. 

MADGE. [Withering, to herington] This morn- 
ing you honored me with your attentions. [mildrEd 
first shows jealousy] This afternoon I find you 

46 



[shrug] otherwise engaged. 

HER. This morning a lonely man turned to the 
woman he has long regarded as his dearest friend, 
and begged her to share his lot. He told her no 
lies; he uttered no fervent protestations. This aft- 
ernoon she finds him reconciled to the sweetheart 
whom he worshipped in years gone by, the girl whom 
he has never forgotten. 

MADGi;. [Incredulously to mii^drEd] You recon- 
ciled to Jack ? Why, you never knew him well. 

MILDRED. [Softly] Oh yes, I knew him well. I 
said this morning that my luck must change. It was 
fate, Madge. Fate brought us together. 

MADGE. [Practical] Fate? It was stupid, blunder- 
ing Madge Carter. [X and kneels at Mildred's side] 
Forgive me, dear. What have I done ? 

MILDRED. [Smiling through tears] Forgive you 
for bringing ha*ppiness into my life? [Softly] I am 
very, very happy. 

MADGE. [Springing to her feet] Happy on the 
brink of a precipice? Are you blind? Your repu- 
tation? [To herington] There will be a scandal. 
Your public career will be ruined. 

HER. [Fondly] "All for love, or the world well 
lost." 

MADGE. Until the world is actually lost; then dis- 
cord, dissension, despair. Mildred, if you love Jack, 
you will command him to leave you at once. 

MILDRED. [Softly] Jack, I command you to leave 
me at once. 

HER. [To MADGE, clasping Mildred's hand] You 
exact too great a sacrifice, my friend. [Bends to 
kiss hand. Enter R. C, carter and j. w., chatting 
and laughing and halt spellbound. Mildred and her- 
ington have not presence of mind to extricate them- 
selves and remain with hands clasped.] 

47 



J. w. [To carter] I say, come and watch the lit- 
tle birds. We are not wanted here. [Turns point- 
edly and goes up to gaze out of window.'] 

CARTER. [Coming dozvn aside to madge; — fine dis- 
play of virtue] You permit this sort of thing to go 
on under your very eyes? 

[miedred and hErington separate awkwardly.] 

MADGE. [Seeking plausible explanation] Father, 
I don't know what you mean. Mildred was about to 
congratulate Senator Herington. 

J. w. [Turns round abruptly, alarmed] You 
haven't [Wails] I knew it! I knew it! 

MADGE. [To CARTER, hard pressed] As my friend, 
don't you understand? 

CARTER. [Obtuse] I do not understand. 

J. w. [Wails] I do. I do. I can see through a 
hole with a millstone in it. 

CARTER. [To madge] As your friend, she con- 
gratulates him? [Snobbish, aside] You haven't 
thrown yourself away on John Herington? [X to 
J. w.] 

MILDRED. [Aside to madge] You must not com- 
promise yourself. 

MADGE. Hush, Mildred. For your sake and for 
his, be silent. 

miedred. [Jealous] You love him? Tell me the 
truth. 

MADGE. I am his friend and yours. [Aloud] Fa- 
ther 

HER. [X rapidly to madge] I forbid you to speak. 
We shall find some other way out of this difficulty. 

[barwele, off R. C, heard shouting "'miedred/' 
''madge.'' "ROBERTS, where are they?" and he dashes 
in R. C] 

BAR. [To all] Was ever anything more oppor- 
tune? Our Minister to Denmark is dead. [Noting 

48 



silence, looks about him] The devil ! Have you wo- 
men seen his ghost already? 

CARTER. [Savagely to barwdll] Your wife has 
had a finger in this pie. [barwKIvL looks enquiringly 
at MII.DRKD] A moment ago, when I entered this 
room 

MADGE. [Quickly, to prevent disclosure] Mr. Bar- 
well, you, too, will be interested in what I am about 
to say. This morning, Senator Herington asked me 
to marry him. [Giving her hand to herington^ who 
receives it mechanically'] I am ready to become his 
wife. 

J. w. [Bitterly] Just because I forgot the tickets. 
Isn't that like a woman? 



CURTAIN. 



49 



THIRD ACT. 



S' 



ACT III. 

SCENE: Barwell's library. Doors R. to drawing 
room, L. to billiard room and C. to hall, which 
is practical both R. and L. 

TIME: 4.45 P. M. Same day as Acts I and II. 

discover: Mildred, in tea gown, seated dreaming 
before open fire, chin resting on hand, open book 
face down on lap. On table telephone instrument , 
the bell of which is ringing spasmodically as cur- 
tain rises; she pays no heed. There is no light 
in the room other than the fire. 

[Enter C. R., kEley; turns switch lighting table 
lamps; X to telephone and unhooks.] 

KEEEY. [In transmitter] Yes'r. Yes'r. [X to Mil- 
dred] Senator Herington on the wire, ma'm. 

MILDRED. [Without moving] Mr. Harwell has not 
come in. 

KELLY. Senator Herington would like to speak 
with you, ma'm. 

MILDRED. [Looks up — cycs flosh] Not at home. 

KELLY. [Impassive] Yes'm. [X to telephone — 
business — hangs up receiver.] 

MILDRED. [Lighting cigarette] I shall dine in my 
room. 

KELLY. Beg pardon, ma'm. To-night there is a 
dinner party. 

MILDRED. [Indifferently — exhaling cloud of 
smoke] I am dining in my room. 

KELLY. [Impassive] Yes'm. That makes how 

53 



many covers, if you please? 

MILDRED. [Indifferently] Really, I don't know. 
[Enter C. R. barwkIvL as though coming from street] 
You might ask Mr. Barwell. 

BARWELL. [Abruptly to mildred] What was that? 
[To keely] Put on the lights in this room, [keeev 
turns switch. Lights on full.] 

miedred. [Pettish] Do tell Kelly how many cov- 
ers to lay to-night. I presume you know that the 
butler left us this morning. 

BARWEEE. [Cheerfully] We can't compete with 
people who pay their servants cash. [Enumerating] 
Serve for Mrs. Barwell, Judge Piatt, myself 

miedred. [Weak interruption] I am dining in 
my room. 

BARWEEE. [Shutting her off] You are doing noth- 
ing of the kind. [Rapidly enumerates] Mrs. Bar- 
well, Judge Piatt, myself, three Carters, Von Ulm, 
Serrano 

MIEDRED. [Casually] 1 fancy I asked Jimmy Wil- 
liams to come in 

BARWEEE. [Parenthetically] He eats enough for 

two [Concludes] and Senator Herington. [To 

kELEy] Covers for ten. 

KELEY. Very good, sir. [Exit C. R.] 

MIEDRED. [Friendly approach] Will you drive 
down with me to meet father at five o'clock? 

BARwELE. [Secretly pleased] The spectacle of such 
conjugal felicity would excite too much comment. 
[Exulting] Herington hooked up with Washington 
before I left him this afternoon. [Condescending] 
I rather like that chap. 

MIEDRED. [Frigid] Yes? 

BARWELL. What the deuce can he find to admire 
in Madge Carter? 

MILDRED. [Spitefully] Her fortune, possibly. 

54 



BARWELL. [Grins] I hadn't thought of that. 

MILDRED. [Resolutely] George, will you take me 
with you to Guatama? 

HARWELL. [Promptly] I will not. 

MILDRED. How am I to explain the situation? 

BARWELL. The situation explains itself. Ever since 
woman was created in man's image, the earth has 
harbored discordant couples. 

MILDRED. [Going, makes last effort to avoid dan- 
ger] You shall not go away and leave me alone. 

BARWELL. [Cynic] Thanks, my love. That sounded 
as though you really meant it. 

[Enter C. R. kelly.] 

KELLY. One of the gentlemen you expected, sir : 
the dark one. 

BARWELL. [All eagerness] Show him in. [B:vit 
C. R. KELLY.] [To MILDRED, extending his hand zvith 
mock gallantry] Business before pleasure, my love. 
We'll fight this out some other time. [Exit L. mil- 
dred] [barwell goes up C. and calls off R. gen- 
ially] Come in, Serrano. Don't stand on ceremony. 
[Enter C. R. sErrano] You are ahead of time. 

SERRANO [Suavely] I planned to get here ahead 
of time. 

BARWELL. [Cynic] And incidentally get ahead of 
Von Ulm, I assume? 

SERRANO. [Watching barwell out of corner of 
his eye] I did not come here to be insulted. 

BARWELL. [Harshly] You came here presumably 
to suggest a plan whereby we might give Von Ulm 
the double cross. I acquiesce without hesitation. 

SERRANO. [Still cautious] You are willing to ? 

BARWELL. I am quite willing to feather my own 
nest. Angels can do no more. 

SERRANO. [Trusting barwell at last] Those claims 
in Guatama for which our easy-going friend, Von 

55 



Ulm, stands ready to pay ten cents on the dollar, can 
be secured by [Winks] one whom you know, at two 
cents on the dollar, gold. 

BARWELL. Drawback, eight cents on the dollar, or 
two hundred and forty thousand, cash. [Mocking 
approval] Not bad, Serrano. Where there is a will, 
there is a way to graft. 

SKRRANO. We shall, however, require for this col- 
lateral enterprise the temporary use of sixty thou- 
sand in gold. 

-BARWEiyiv. [Whistles] Why not ask for the moon 
while you are about it? 

SERRANO. [Triumphant smile] As a favor to me, 
the Assistant Treasurer of Guatama, my cousin, will 
wink at the removal of sixty thousand in gold from 
the government vaults. 

BARWEiviv. The Assistant Treasurer of Guatama is 
a scholar and a gentleman. Your cousin shall have 
ten thousand for winking at the psychological mo- 
ment. [Becoming boisterous] Money, money, noth- 
ing but money ! [Seizes pad and pencil] How do we 
stand on the big divvy? 

SERRANO. Four hundred thousand apiece, gross. 

BARWEEE. [Agitated] Four hundred thousand dol- 
lars ! 

SERRANO. [Sad] Gross, my dear friend, gross ; not 
net, unfortunately. Out of our respective shares 
Von Ulm must care for his German contingent : I 
for the Government of Guatama; and you 

[barwele pours two drinks of brandy.] 

BARWEEE. [Roughly] I'll take care of myself. 

SERRANO. [Oily smile] And others? 

BARWEEE. And others, if necessary. [Passes glass 
of brandy.] 

SERRANO. [Raising glass with bow] Down with the 
Monroe Doctrine, eh? Ha! Ha! Ha! 

56 



BARWEivL. [Savagely] Down with anything" that 
stands between fortune and myself. [Drinks.] 

[Enter C. R., von uIvM_, evening paper in hand.] 

VON uivM. [Admiringly] My dear Harwell, you 
are a hustler. How did you do it? 

BARWEiyiv. [Feverish anxiety shows through as- 
sumed nonchalance] [Reads] "It is rumored that the 
President will on Monday next sent to the Senate the 
name of George Barwell, Jr., son of the well known 
New York capitalist and man of affairs, et cetera, 
et cetera, et cetera." [Cynically] The next Amer- 
ican Minister to Guatama pledges himself to keep 
his government properly misinformed of the course 
of events. [Slaps von uem familiarly on back] The 
thrifty German shall collect his money. [Enter R. 
KELLY, bearing card] What is it? [Takes card] This 
is for Mrs. Barwell, you fool. 

KEEEY. Yes'r. Mrs. Barwell is dressing. The lady 
is in a great hurry and would like a word with you. 

[SERRANO and von ulm promptly rise.] 

SERRANO. Direct me to the nearest cable office. 
[Glance at barweee] I press the button. 

BARWEEE. [Warm clasp of von ulm's hand] We 
do the rest, eh Baron? [Hospitably] Remember, 
dinner at eight sharp. Kelly, show the gentlemen 
out. [Exit C. R., SERRANO, von uem and kEley] 
[barweee X to door R. and throzving back curtains, 
calls] Come in, Madge. [Turns away to table and 
selects a segar.] 

[Enter R., madge, troubled.] 

MADGE. [In doorway] I must apologize 

barweee. [Turns toward her, lighting segar] No 
apology is necessary. 

MADGE. Have Dick and Polly been here? 

barweee. Frequently. 

MADGE. This afternoon? 

57 



BARW^LL. No. 

MADGE. Do you know where Polly is to be found? 

BARWEi.iv. If I knew, you would be the last per- 
son to whom I should impart the information. 

MADGE. Polly left home on foot alone this after- 
noon — something she is never permitted to do. Rob- 
erts detected traces of tears when she passed him at 
the door. 

BARWELL. So you interrogate your servants on the 
subject of your sister's whereabouts? 

MADGE. Don't, George, don't. I am dreadfully 
worried. If you can give me no information, per- 
haps I had better wait until Mildred finishes dress- 
ing. Shall I be in the way here ? 

BARWELE. Not in my way. I am going out. [Go- 
ing up C. he meets miedred_, who enters C. L., still 
in tea gown.'] 

miedred. [Frigidly to madge] I have delayed my 
toilette so that you might not be kept waiting. 

BARWEEE. [Imitating miedrEd] A consideration 
which I never display toward my husband, I assure 
you, ma'm. [mildred annihilates him with a glance. 
He pretends to shiver] Burrrr ! ! I'll go out and roll 
in the snow to get warm. [Exit C. R.] 

MIEDRED. [Defiantly] You have come to invite me 
to serve as your matron of honor? Thank you so 
much. 

MADGE. Be just, Mildred. My motive this after- 
noon was sufficiently obvious 

MIEDRED. [Frigid] Quite obvious. When is the 
ceremony to take place? 

MADGE. [Hurt] I acted, as I thought, for the best. 

MIEDRED. There is nothing like taking advantage 
of one's opportunities. 

MADGE. [Changing topic, drazvs herself up with 
dignity] I have come here in search of my sister. 

58 



When did you last see Polly? Did she go to meet 
Dick? 

MILDRED. Really I can't attempt to keep track of 
the matrimonial escapades of the Carter family. 
[Bows in dismissal.] 

MADGE. [Going — pauses up C. to revert to Her- 
ington] You will live to thank me, Mildred, for my 
conduct this afternoon. 

MILDRED. [Deep courtesy, facing up stage] I am 
oppressed with a feeling of profound gratitude. 

MADGE. [Pitying the girl, comes down, explain- 
ing] It was a mere subterfuge to cover appearances, 
as you very well know. 

MILDRED. [Haughtily] To me your engagement 
is a finality. This morning Senator Herington asked 
you to be his wife. Had I known this, believe me, 
I should not now stand here bitterly humiliated. 

MADGE. [Impulsively X to mildrEd] Why torture 
yourself, Mildred? 

MILDRED. [Facing front, on verge of tears] He 
asked you to be his wife. [Bitterly] Oh, it's all 
right. I have no one but myself to blame. Who 
would believe that Mildred Barwell could conduct 
herself like an unsophisticated school-girl ? 

[Enter C. R. jimmy williams^ one glove off, 
blowing on fingers.] 

J. w. I say, Madge, you mustn't scold if I disobey 
orders and come indoors. That taximeter is like a 
refrigerator. 

MILDRED. [Raising eyebrows] Already cabbing it 
about town with an old flame ! Poor Herington ! 
[Goes up.] 

J. w. [Angrily to madge] Yesterday it was no- 
body's business where you took me. 

MADGE. [Soothing] Mildred is teasing you, Jimmy. 

J. w. Mrs. Barwell is quite corect. Your fiancee 

59 



is the proper person to dance attendance. Let Her- 
rington turn out to-morrow morning and take you 
to church. I shall lie abed until noon. 

MILDRED. [Coming down] Do nothing rash, James, 
I beg. 

J. w. [Turns to mildred for sympathy] There is 
something behind all this. You can't convince me 
that Madge finds anything attractive in such a 
commonplace individual. 

MILDRED. [Quickly] Oh, do you consider Senator 
Herington commonplace ? 

J. w. Distinctly ! For example : he wears laced 
boots with a frock coat. 

MADGE. Jimmy, you are making a fool of your- 
self. 

J. w. [Angrily] I have been a fool ever since I 
met you. I dare say Mrs. Barwell has noticed it. 

MILDRED. [Mock gravity] I have. 

J. w. [Triumphant to madge] You see! [Plain- 
tively] Who has been in the habit of proposing to 
you once a month on the average for the past five 
years? [Triumphantly] I have. [Plaintively] Did 
you ever offer to send me about my business. On 
the contrary, you suffered me to go down on my 
knees at every convenient opportunity. Which is 
all part of the game, of course, and every good na- 
tured man expects to go through a certain amount 
of that sort of thing, on the theory that the girl will 
say "Yes" when she gets quite ready to say "Yes" ; 
and now, [Wailing] now Fm hanged if you haven't 
gone and said "Yes" to the other fellow. 

[Enter C. R. carter, dejected.] 

CARTER. [Seeing madge] You here? [To mil- 
drEd] I dropped in to ask for a cup of tea and a few 
cheerful words. [To all] Dick's father doesn't know 
where he is this afternoon. 

60 



J. w. [Sympathetically] What's the matter with 
the old chap? Dotty? 

CARTER. [Irritably] Where Dick is, I mean. [To 
MADGE] Jimmy is a frightful ass. Where shall I go 
next ? 

MADGE. [Stumped] I don't know what to say. 

CARTER. [Almost whimpering] This morning I 
was a happy parent. This afternoon my daughters 
prepare to abandon me. Soon there will be no place 
that I can call home. 

MADGE. You know better, father. 

CARTER. [Irritably] I will not accompany you be- 
yond the confines of civilization. Better a hall bed- 
room in the Borough of Manhattan than a castle in 
Dakota. 

MADGE. [Rises] We may postpone this discussion, 
I think. [To carter and j. w.] Come. 

CARTER. [Balking] I have no inclination to return 
home. 

J. w. [Short lived independence] Home, that place 
we go when everything else is closed ! What a 
night I shall make of it. 

MADGE. [Summoning] Jimmy. 

J. w. [Revolt collapses] Yes, certainly. [Meekly 

follows MADGE out C. R.] 

CARTER. [Gloomily watching exit of madge and 
J. w.] That girl has an incipient tendency toward 
bigamy. [Self reproach] Dolt that I was, I fancied 
Herington was epris of you. 

MILDRED. [Byes work mechanically] More so than 
most men? 

CARTER. [Growing chipper, sits beside her] No, 
No. All men are born equally your admirers, Mrs. 
Barwell. [Closer] Tell me, is it true that George 
goes to Guatama and [Very close] very soon? 

MILDRED. [Bored] I believe so. Senator Hering- 

6i 



ton has promised him the post. 

CARTER. Why Guatama? It's a deadly hole; no 
society except half breeds and mosquitoes. 

MILDRED. [Indifferent] You must ask George. 
This morning he mentioned his plans for the first 
time. [Rising] Excuse me one moment. I'll order 
tea. Our butler has left us. [Exit L. mildrEd.] 

CARTER. [Comprehending, follows her to door L.] 
This morning George first spoke of Guatama? Gua- 
tama was the place mentioned by those adventurers. 
[Comes down R., excited] 

[Enter C. R. keely, showing in herington.] 

KEEEY. Be good enough to wait here, sir. [Exit 

L. KEEEY.] 

CARTER. Ah, John, listen to me. You are pulling 
the chestnuts out of the fire for this man Barwell. 
He is using you for his own ends. 

HER. [Indifferently] Very likely. Such is life. 

CARTER. This appointment will compromise you 
with the administration. 

[Enter L. keeey.] 

KEEEY. [To herington] Mrs. Barwell will see 
you in one moment, sir. [Exit C. R.] 

CARTER. George is a sly dog, but he shall not jeop- 
ardize the future of my son-in-law. Before Mrs. 
Barwell returns, John, may I have one word? 

HER. Some other time, Mr. Carter, with great 
pleasure. [Enter L. miedred] Your husband will 
receive the coveted appointment. I have the Presi- 
dent's promise. [She bows coldly and sits facing 
front.] 

CARTER. [Trying to speak over herington's shoul- 
der] Herington, don't commit yourself until you 
have seen me. I know all about this Guatama affair. 

HER. [Bored, over shoulder] Then there is noth- 
ing left for you to learn, sir. 

62 



CARTER. [Incensed] This means that you brook 
no advice? Then, by George, let me inform you, if 
your reputation suffers, through your own stupidity 
and wrong headedness, you shall not enter my family. 

HER. [Amused] My dear sir, I never force my 
way in where I am unwelcome. [Exit C. R. carter, 
highly incensed.] 

MiivDRED. [Quietly, without looking at hEring- 
ton] You are not welcome here. I shall have no 
further occasion for your services. I remain with 
my husband. 

HER. [Quietly] That is best. May I sit down? 

MILDRED. [Coldly — rising] I prefer not. [Sud- 
denly gives way and pours forth torrent of words] 
A married woman is fair game, is she not? Go to 
your fiancee and beg her forgiveness ; tell her the 
truth ; tell her that an hour after you sought her 
hand in marriage, you were in pursuit of a married 
woman. Let Madge know the character of the man 
to whom she has pledged herself. 

HER. [Firmly] I am not engaged to Madge Carter. 
I have never forgotten my love for you. 

MiEDRED. [Lips curling] A married woman ! 

HER. [On the defensive] Have I created the situ- 
ation? [Softly] Mildred, I loved you as a girl. 
Why did you jilt me? 

MILDRED. You are in default, my distinguished 
legal adviser. That appeal should have been argued 
ten years ago. 

HER. [Growing warmer] You read my letters at 
the time. What more could I say or do? 

MILDRED. [Bitterly] No, I did not read your let- 
ters — for the best of all possible reasons. 

HER. My poverty was such that I couldn't go to 
you and plead my case in person ; my letters re- 
mained unanswered 

63 



MILDRED. [Interrupts, choking with emotion] You 
never wrote ; not a line ; not one word. 

HER. [Vehemently] I wrote until pride called a 
halt. 

MILDRED. [Tempestuously] I don't believe you. 
Did you ask Madge to marry you? 

HER. Mildred, be reasonable. 

MILDRED. I won't be reasonable. Did you ask 
Madge Carter to marry you? 

HER. [Assenting] This morning, before I had seen 
you. 

MILDRED. You were in earnest? 

HER. The situation was fully explained in your 
presence. 

MILDRED. [Bitterly] To your satisfaction, no doubt. 
[Tempestuously] Before your proposal to Madge 
was an hour old, you stumbled upon a discarded 
plaything — a toy cast aside ten years ago. 

HER. It is false. You wrote in '98 and threw me 
over. 

MILDRED. [Anguish] My God, Jack, do you sup- 
pose I wrote that letter of my own free will? 
Mother dictated every word. A line from you and 
I would have waited a thousand years. 

HER. I wrote, I wrote, I tell you. 

MILDRED. [Wilfully] It's a lie. Then, you were 
glad enough to be rid of me. Now, you hope to 
make me your 

[Pause.] 

HER. [Cold, loveless voice] That will do. I have 
heard quite enough. 

MILDRED. [Concludes with latent fierceness] As 
you know, Mr. Herington, I despise my husband, 
but I hate you — I hate you as only a woman hates 
a man who has grossly insulted her. [Going, she 
X's to L.] 

64 



[Enter C. R. madgk.] 

MADGE. [To herington] What have you done to 
father? He came home in a towering rage. 

MiEDRED. [Sneering] And you hastened around 
the corner to rescue Jack? I assure you, Senator 
Herington's conduct has been most circumspect. 

MADGE. I have no right to question Senator Her- 
ington's actions. 

MIEDRED. My dear, reserve all such concessions 
until after marriage, when small favors are grate- 
fully received. 

MADGE. I want Mildred to know, John, that I have 
no claim whatsoever upon you. 

MIEDRED. [Mock gratitude] Thank you so much. 

MADGE. Jack is not engaged to me — never has 
been — never can be — Will you believe that I am dis- 
interested ? 

MIEDRED. Poor chap! Does no one want him? 

MADGE. But I have every right, Mildred, to criti- 
cise your conduct. You, as a woman, should be able 
to distinguish right from wrong. [To hERINGTOn] 
What are you doing here? Prove your affection 
for Mildred by leaving town at once. Be man enough 
to run away from temptation. 

HER. Mrs. Barwell and I understand one another 
perfectly. She will remain Mrs. Barwell unto the 
end of time. [To mildrEd] That I think is your 
determination ? 

MIEDRED. It is. Forgive me, if I appear rude. 

HER. [lows snap] So far as I am concerned, the 
incident is closed. 

[ MADGE pats herington's arm encouragingly, mil- 
DRED watching, bitter loneliness welling up in her 
heart. 

[Enter C. R. judge peatt_, followed by keley car- 
rying grip.] 

65 



MiivDRED. [Cry of a broken hearted child] Daddy, 
daddy, Oh dad, I am so glad to see you. [In his 
arms. Finally] How did you get here so soon? 

JUDGE. [Blandly] Strangely enough, my darling, 
the train reached Forty-second Street on time. Are 
the children well ? [Ttirns and shakes hands warmly 

ZVith MADGE.] 

MILDRED. [Matter of fact] Kelly, how are the chil- 
dren to-day? 

KELLY. [Impassive] Quite well, ma'm. Miss Mil- 
dred hit Master George a blow on the nose at break- 
fast which closed one eye, but he ain't really dam- 
aged. 

HER. [To MILDRED — shockcd — the last straw] You 
have two children ? 

MILDRED, [Haughtily — noting his surprise] Is 
there any further information which I may have 
the pleasure of furnishing you? 

HER. [Sternly] None. Good bye. 

MILDRED. [Conventional tone as she turns her back 
on him to X to judge] Good afternoon. 

[madge, who has been chatting with judge platt, 
has gone up C, awaiting herington. herington 
gives a slight bow in Mildred's direction and fol- 
loZVS MADGE off C. R.] 

[Directly they are off, mildred becomes the ten- 
der, affectionate daughter.] 

MILDRED. Dad, shall we make believe that I am 
once more your little girl ? May I take my accus- 
tomed seat? 

[Exit C. R. KELLY with street garments of judge.] 

JUDGE. [Comic anxiety] My love, your father's 
knees are sixty-five years old. 

MILDRED. Do you intimate that I am growing 
stout ? Oh, horror ! [Fondly] To go from the sub- 
lime to the practical, father, have you eaten any- 

66 



thing since morning ? 

JUDGE. [Producing lunch in napkin from grip] 
Your cousin, Sabina Moore, thoughtfully prepared 
a light repast. 

Mii,DRED. [Reproving] Unopened! Father! 

JUDGE. [Smiling guiltily] I became absorbed in a 
paper covered novel, purchased on the train. 

MILDRED. You are incorrigible. An omelette shall 
be cooked for you at once. [Going to give orders, 
she meets polly and dick^ who enter C. R.] Hello ! 
You two haven't run away, after all? 

poEivY. [Ignoring remark — dignity of a young 
matron] So very glad to find you at home. [X to 
judge] How do you do, Judge Piatt? 

MILDRED. Stay and have tea, Polly. I'll order 
some of your favorite sweets. 

POLLY. [Forgetting her matronly dignity] Um ! ! ! 

[Exit L. MILDRED.] 

JUDGE. [Genial to polly] Not yet married, my 
dear? 

POLLY. [Glances at dick — giggles — stammers] Oh, 
Judge ! 

JUDGE. [Beaming upon this indication of youthful 
attachment] I dare say you have meditated matri- 
mony. Have you chosen the man? [Teasing] Eh, 
Richard, has Polly chosen the man? 

dick. [Grins] By advice of counsel, your honor, 
I decline to answer. 

JUDGE. Ha! Ha! Ha! [To polly] Look care- 
fully before you leap, my dear. How old are you 
now ? 

POLLY. I shall be eighteen, sir next April. 

JUDGE. At least wait until you are twenty. An 
impetuous pair of youngsters in my native town ran 
away in October and were married. Last week it 
became my painful duty to sentence the youthful 

67 



bridegroom to a term in the penitentiary. 

DICK. [In a cold perspiration] The penitentiary ! 

POLLY. [Hastily concealing ring] Is it a crime to 
elope ? 

JUDGE. Under ordinary circumstances, no. Un- 
fortunately this young girl who, like yourself, had 
not completed her eighteenth year, married in the 
face of violent family opposition. Her father laid 
the matter before the District Attorney. 

DICK. [In collapse] This is my honeymoon. 

JUDGE. [Placidly] Here in New York State, I be- 
lieve, ten years is the maximum penalty for the 
offence. 

DICK. [Hollow voice, to polly] Ten years ! I 
shall be thirty-one. 

JUDGE. [Placidly] One-third off, of course, for 
good behavior. 

DICK. One-third off: every little counts. 

[Enter L. mildred.] 

MILDRED. Take Dick away, Polly, and let me have 
father all to myself. I'll call you directly tea is 
served. 

POLLY. [Going — coquettish] Or, if you wish to be 
very nice, you might even send us our tea in the 
billiard room. Come, Dicky. 

DICK. Bread and water for me, please. I expect 
to be placed on a diet shortly. 

[Exit L. POLLY and dick.] 

MILDRED [Cuddling the judge] A button missing! 
Spots on your coat ! [Softly] Daddy, I should like 
to return home and keep house for you. 

JUDGE. [Benignly] Faithless little wife, would 
you sacrifice your husband upon the altar of filial 
affection? 

MILDRED. [Nerving herself] You may as well hear 
the worst. Mr. Barwell has lost his money. This 

68 



house is to be given up. George has the promise 
of a government post in the tropics. What is to 
become of me ? 

JUDGE. My child, what becomes of any true wo- 
man, whose husband meets with reverses? Go with 
George. Share his poverty, as you have already 
partaken of his abundance. Help him to economize. 

MILDRED. [Lightly] The blind leading the blind. 
[Obstinately] Suppose I announce that I am deter- 
mined to return home with you. 

JUDGE. [Raising an admonishing hand] No, no, 
daughter. Your father has a few drops of your 
own blood in his veins. Go with George. If you 
say won't, I may say must ; then we shall disagree. 
[Gently] Do your duty bravely and I will make you 
a yearly allowance of five hundred dollars, with 
which you can at least provide suitable clothing for 
the children and yourself 

MILDRED. [Shrug] Possibly, sir — in the tropics. 

JUDGE. [Card case out] Do you need money? No? 
Oh, [Produces Lincoln letter] Your cousin, Sabina, 
sent this to you with her best love. 

MILDRED. Thank you. [Takes letter listlessly with- 
out looking at it.] 

JUDGE. To add to your collection of autograph 
letters, my dear. One cannot possess too many spec- 
imens of the handwriting of that great man. 

MILDRED. [Absently] What great man? 

JUDGE. [Directing her attention] Abraham Lin- 
coln, my dear. 

MILDRED. [Starts — looks at letter] So it is. [Bit- 
terly] I am very glad you do not entrust your Lin- 
coln letters to the mails, sir. [Kindly] Poor Sabina. 
Why permit her to squander her little income on 
such trifles? 

JUDGE. It cost her nothing. Sabina found this 

69 



letter. 

MILDRED. [Attention riveted] Found it! Where? 

JUDGE. In your mother's old work table in the at- 
tic, my dear, together with several letters written in 
a crabbed, lawyer-like hand, part of which Sabina 
deciphered with extreme difficulty. [Chuckles] Let- 
ters, it would seem, from a person of a sentimental 
turn of mind. I can't imagine where your mother 
found them, [mildred sits gating fixedly at the 
Lincoln letter which she holds in a hand that trem- 
bles slightly] Why so thoughtful, daughter? 

MILDRED. [Determined, raises eyes to his] Once 
more, sir, will you take me home with you ? [Burst 
of anguish] Father, father, let me return home. I 
am so tired of it all. Oh, Daddy, sometimes I think 
you are the only man for whom I have ever really 
and truly cared. 

JUDGE. [Sternly] Mildred, you married George 
for better, for worse. 

MILDRED. [Aside, casting the die] For worse, then, 
be it. [Places Lincoln letter in bosom of gozvn, sits 
at table, rings for kelly, writes.] [To judge, laugh- 
ing hysterically] Upon your return home, sir, read 
those letters. You will find them most amusing. 
Unless I am greatly mistaken, they were written to 
me many years ago. 

judge. Ah, that explains how they came to be in 
the possession of your mother. 

[Enter C. R. kelly.] 

MILDRED. [Quietly, finishing note] Yes, that ex- 
plains everything. Kelly, I fancy Senator Hering- 
ton is to be found either at his hotel or at Mr. Car- 
ter's house. 

KELLY. Yes'm. 

MILDRED. [Seals note and hands it to kelly] De- 
liver this note to him in person ; [Emphasising] in 

70 



person and immediately. 

KELLY. [Going] Directly, ma'm. 

[Bnter C. R. barwell.] 

BAR. [Up C, calling off R] This way, Senator, if 
you please. 

[Enter C. R. hkrington.] 

HER. [Ignores others — to barwELL in official 
tone] Have you no room in which we can be alone? 

bar. We'll be alone here in about twenty seconds. 
[X and shakes hands with judge.] 

JUDGE. [Cordial] Glad to see you, George. 

BAR. Thanks. Judge Piatt, I make you acquainted 
with Senator Herington. [herington stiffly and 
JUDGE cordially shake hands] [barwell comes down 
to MILDRED, furious aside] That idiot Herington has 
thrown me down. Is this your work ? 

MILDRED. Don't be absurd. 

bar. I met him on the street and he attempted to 
pass without bowing 

[barwell turns to X hack to judge. Meanwhile 
KELLY has been furtively maneuvring to deliver 
Mildred's note to herington, the latter having re- 
tired up stage after chatting for a moment with the 
judge. MILDRED, who wkHe talking aside with bar- 
well, has kept an anxious eye on kELLY, now fears 
that barwell will detect kelly in the act of hand- 
ing her letter to herington.] 

MILDRED. [Calls sharply, as barwell turns to X 
to judge] Kelly, come here. 

[barwell, detecting note of warning in her voice, 
abruptly faces up stage and watches kElly slink 
away from herington.] 

KELLY. Yes'm. [Goes down to mildred.] 

MILDRED. [Aside to KELLY, Steadying her voice] 
You may return the note to me. [kelly furtively 
obeys, barwell has an eye on him] [Placing note in 

71 



bosom of gown, aloud to kELLy] Serve tea as soon 
as possible 

BAR. [Near judge] Not here. I need this room — 

JUDGE. [Mildly hurt, rises] Shall I withdraw? 

BAR. [Curt] If you please. [Calls] Kelly. [kELLY 
X reluctantly to bar well, mildred X to judge] 
[Aloud] Show Judge Piatt to his room. [Aside] 
Who gave you that letter? 

KELLY. [Wavering] Letter, sir? 

BAR. [Appealing to kELLy's loyalty] Kelly. 

KELLY. [Reluctantly] Mrs. Harwell, sir, for the 
Senator. 

BAR. Ah ! [Roughly, to cover] Don't stand here 
like a dummy. Show Judge Piatt to his room. 
[mildred has been assisting judge to replace odds 
and ends in grip; she now starts to accompany him 
out of room, barwell silently seizes her wrist and 
detains her. judge seeing nothing of this, exits C. 
R., followed by kelly. herington sees barwell's 
action, makes two steps forward to assist mildred, 
then halts.] [barwEll drags mildred down stage] 
What game are you playing? For some reason, 
you wish to prevent me from going to Guatama. 
Let me see that letter 

MILDRED. [Struggling] George ! 

bar. [To herington] A moment ago you gave 
me notice that I must not look to you for support 
in Washington. My wife put you up to this. 

HER. [Promptly] She did not. 

bar. [Suspiciously] If there is no double dealing, 
why are letters passing between you two? 

HER. [Fling at mildred] Mrs. Barwell will assure 
you that I have never written her a line in my 
life 

BAR. [Brusquely] That may be, but Mrs. Barwell 
gave my man a letter to place in your hands 

72 



[hErington hesitates, fearing he may make a false 
move] She has it now in the bosom of her gown 

Mii^DRED [Sees a way ontl Oh, that letter ! Ha ! 
Ha ! Ha ! George, you are absurdly melodramatic. 
That letter you may have and welcome. [Produces 
Lincoln letter from bosom of gown.] 

MII.DRED. [Byes on herington] Read the letter 

aloud, George, if it is not too much trouble 

[Hands letter to barwele.] 

BAR. [Cyncal chuckle] No trouble, I assure you. 
[Opens and reads] "Gardner Graham, Esq., 5 Nas- 
sau Street, New York City." 

HER. [Recognising name] Gardner Graham ! [Ex- 
changes glances with mildrEd.] 

BAR. [Puzzled] His son was one of my ushers. 
Why confound it, Mildred, this letter is a hundred 
years old. [Reads] Signed, A. Lincoln. [Disgusted] 
Oh, Hell! Whose is this? Yours or his? 

miedrEd. [Explaining] A letter, written by Mr. 
Lincoln, once came into the possession of Senator 
Herington. 

[barwele, puzzled, turns to herington for con- 
firmation.] 

HER. [Cautiously] Quite true: so I informed your 
wife at lunch time. 

MIEDRED. That letter was lost. 

HER. [Coldly assenting] Lost in the mails, as I 
have been given to understand. 

MIEDRED. Ten minutes ago, my father placed this 
letter in my hands, [Unguardedly to herington] It 
has lain in my mother's work table all these years. 

BAR. [Sharply] All what years? 

MIEDRED. [Catching herself] All these years, since 
my mother placed it in her work table. [Tenders 
letter to herington] Will you permit me to offer 
you this to replace the letter which was lost? 

73 



BAR. [Gratified aside] Clever move, little woman. 

HER. [Coldly] Thank you, Mrs. Harwell, I am no 
longer interested in autograph letters. [To bar- 
well] Shall we resume our discussion? I believe 
you had an object in asking me to return to this 
house 

BAR. What is there to discuss? Either you stand 
by me or you throw me over. Herington, my wife 
will be deeply mortified if this appointment slips 
through my fingers. 

MILDRED. [Significant glance at barweLl] May I 
not speak for myself? 

bar. [Takes hint] Suppose you do. I'll run up- 
stairs and make sure that the Judge is comfortable. 

her. [Distressed] Mr. Barwell 

bar. [Genial] Help yourself to the brandy and a 
segar, old chap. Be back in two minutes. [Exit R.] 

[herington passive, mildred follows bar well to 
door R., then turns, all emotion.] 

MILDRED. [Expectantly] Have you nothing to say 
to me now? 

HER. Not a word. 

MILDRED. [Approaching] I did write you a note 
a few moments ago. 

HER. That was a very silly thing to do. 

MILDRED. [From this point grows worried] Shall 
I tell you what that note contained? It is very brief. 
[Takes note from hosom.] 

HER. [Formal] If you will be so good. 

MILDRED. [Reads] "Come back. All is explained. 
Forgive me and forget my words." [Looks up long- 
ingly] That was all. 

HER. [Unmoved] That was enough to incriminate 
a dozen women. 

MILDRED. Your letters were suppressed by my 
mother. 

74 



HER. So I infer. [X to her. She ready to receive 
his embraces, but he stops and puts out hand for 
note] Permit me, [Tears up note, throwing pieces in 
fire] to place your letter in the fire for safe-keeping. 

Mii^DRED. [Reproachful] You are determined to 
quarrel with me? [Appealing] Why render our re- 
conciliation so difficult? Must you humble me to the 
dust? [Softly] Forgive me, Jack. 

HER. [Coldly] You are forgiven. 

MILDRED. [Ready for his embraces] Well, then? 
[Haughtily, for an instant] Am I to come to you? 

HER. [Gravely] Shall we not confine our conver- 
sation to the Guatama appointment? 

MILDRED. [Passion] What is that to me, save as 
a means to an end? Give George what he wants. 
Let him set out at once. 

HER. [Coldly] Alone? 

MiEDRED. Alone? Yes. Jack, let me become your 
wife. Let me be to you all that I might have been 
these past ten years. 

HER. Unfortunately we have grown ten years 
older during the past decade. 

MILDRED. [Reading the truth] It is you! You, 
who have changed. 

HER. [Sadly and quietly] Not I, Mildred. I have 
long worshipped the memory of an old love, a 
mere shadow, perhaps, yet inexpressibly sweet. We 
met. Momentarily I confused the substance with 
the shadow. You soon opened my eyes. You have 
changed. 

MILDRED. [Exculpating herself] I was wild — wild 
with jealous pain. [Impulsively moves toward him] 
Jack, don't turn from me. 

HER. [Coldly raises cautioning hand] Your hus- 
band is in the house. 

MILDRED. No one can hear what we are saying. 

75 



[dick's head through curtains in door L.] 

DICK. [Abruptly] Don't be too sure of that. [En- 
ters] I say, Mildred, Polly is both hungry and cross. 
Can't something be done about it? 

MILDRED. Go and tell Kelly to make haste. Ev- 
erybody is starving. 

DICK. ■ [Gratefully] May I ? Thanks, very much. 
It will be a great relief. [B^it C. L.] 

MILDRED. [Comes very close to herington, voice 
low] No one can hear what we are saying. 

HER. [Refuses to negotiate] Perhaps I had better 
leave the house. 

MILDRED. [Lays hand on his arm] And desert me? 
Is this, then, the end of everything? 

HER. [Soothing] Steady, Mildred, steady. Re- 
member your father and your children. 

MILDRED. My father may thank his wife for what 
has come to pass. As for my children, they care 
nothing for Mr. Barwell. Can anything be more 
utterly demoralizing to a child, than to be brought 
up in a household where the parents incessantly 
quarrel ? 

HER. Better so, than to be abandoned by their 
mother. 

MILDRED. [Frightened] You would not ask me to 
go away without my children ? 

HER. My friend, it is not what you and I arrange. 
The courts have an unsympathetic habit of award- 
ing the custody of the children to the deserted 
parent. 

MILDRED. No matter how guilty the husband may 
have been? 

HER. No matter how guilty the husband may be 
in the eyes of the wife who has eloped. 

[Enter R. barwell on the cue "eloped" and re- 
mains standing in the portieres, watching, dick hits- 

76 



ties on C. L., carrying a plate of cakes, comes down 
a step, then sees his brother and halts to watch 
developments.] 

mildre:d. [Going all to pieces, hand on hering- 
ton's arm, subdued voice] I will not give up, I will 
not abandon hope. You shall not go, until some 
definite understanding has been reached. Oh, be 
merciful. Love means so much to a woman. There 
are worse fates than to be known as the heroine of 
an elopement. 

BAR. [Comes down, studying miIvDrEd's face with 
savage contempt] It takes all kinds to make a world. 

HER. [Drawn into the situation] Address your 
remarks to me, if you please 

BAR. [Insolently] All in good time. Senator Her- 
ington, and not by mail. [Turns on mildred] You 
treacherous devil, digging a pit beneath my feet, 
ready to steal your friend's fiancee, [dick comes 
out from curtains C] Go to your room. 

DICK. Now, then, what's the row this time? 
George, you shan't ill-treat Mildred in my presence. 

BAR. [Earnest aside to dick] Did you overhear 
any part of their conversation? 

dick. [After a reassuring glance at mildred, lies 
cheerfully] I did. Every blessed word. 

BAR. [Sneer] Well, what do you think of your 
sweet sister-in-law, now? 

dick. [Aloud] She's the finest girl on earth 

[Enter L. poely] Bar one. 

POEEY. That came just in the nick of time, Rich- 
ard. [Pounces on cake] Cake ! Oh, I am so hungry. 

BAR. [To DICK, seeking support] She was plead- 
ing with him — her hand rested on his arm — I caught 
the word elopement. 

DICK. [Non-committal] What else? 

BAR. Look at the expression on each face. What 

77 



else do you wish to know? 

DICK. [X to POiviyY^ aside] Polly, can you lie? 

POivivY. [Munching cake amiably] I can try. 

DICK. Back me up. [X to mildred and faces bar- 
well] Yes, I heard Mildred — heard her plead as 
only a woman can plead for one she loves and I 
know for whom she was pleading. 

BAR. [Growls] You can tell your story in court, 
young man. 

DICK. I thank you, Mildred, for your efforts on 
my behalf. [To barwele] Mildred is well aware 
that I stand in danger of serving a term in the peni- 
tentiary for that which I have done to-day. She 
undertook to induce Senator Herington to secure 
my pardon from the Carters. [Elated with his felic- 
ity at lying, he pauses to enquire] Am I stating the 
facts, correctly? 

[herington and mildred too nearly stumped to 
reply.] 

POLLY. [Half consumed cake in hand] You are. 
Ten years, with something off; I forget what. 

BAR. [Surly] I don't believe a word of this rig- 
marole. 

DICK. [Bullying the bully] Don't you dare give 
me the lie. I am twenty years your junior and a 
better man than you ever were at my age. [Returns 
to Mildred] Again I thank you, Mildred. Senator, 
I know that you will do your utmost to placate the 

Carters [Abruptly to barwell] Polly and I 

were married at half-past three this afternoon. 

BAR. You married to that slip of a girl? It's an 
abduction and a criminal offence. 

POLLY. [Frightened] No, no, no, Dick; don't tell 
anybody. They shall not arrest him — I did it all 
myself 

dick. [Waving paper in barwell's face] Here is 

78 



the marriage certificate. Arrest and be damned! 

MILDRED. [Grateful tears; clasping dick's hand] 
Polly, you have won a thoroughbred 



CURTAIN. 



79 



FOURTH ACT. 



8i 



ACT IV. 

SCENE: Same as Act III. 
TIME : 10 P. M., same day. 

[POI.I.Y enters C. R., nose in air, followed by dick 
remonstrating.] 

POLLY. You are extremely rude. 

DICK. I detest frisky young matrons. To-night it 
is Jimmy Williams. Who will it be to-morrow? 

POLLY. [Innocently] I don't know. [Sits on table, 
swinging feet. Coaxing] Dicky, come here. 

DICK. [Gruff] Someone might catch me kissing 
you. 

POLLY. [Pouts] Before our marriage, you were 
willing to run the risk. 

DICK. [Growling] A fellow has to take chances 
sometimes. 

POLLY. It was nicer not being married. 

DICK. Pity you didn't find that out before. [Enter 
C. R. JIMMY WILLIAMS, moustache waxed, etc.] 

J. w. Most depressing dinner party I ever at- 
tended. Half the guests acted as though they were 
quite ready to eat up the other half. 

POLLY. [To J. w. — for dick's benefit] It has been 
a delightful evening. 

J. w. [Complacently] I sat at your right hand. 

POLLY. Mr. Serrano sat on my left. He asked me 
to marry him twice 

DICK. Once is enough for most men. 

J. w. [Complaining] Serrano was favored with 

83 



rather more than a fair share of Miss Polly's at- 
tention. 

DICK. [Sputtering to polly] You treat men alto- 
gether too well. 

POLivY. You two are simply the limit. Am I to 
conduct myself like a nun at a dinner party? 

J. w. [Vacuous] I don't know. How does a nun 
conduct herself at a dinner party? 

[Bnter C. R. serrano.] 

POLLY. Mr. Serrano, by any chance, are you still 
in a good humor? 

SERRANO. [Exaggerated manner] I have received 
a message from home which has transported me to 
the seventh heaven of delight. 

POLLY. [Making eyes, to punish dick] A message 
from one you love ? 

SERRANO. [Requres no further invitation] I love 
no one at home, Miss Polly. My heart, I brought 
with me inviolate. [Getting close to the child, he 
gives her a creepy feeling] But, I have lost it dur- 
ing the past few hours. 

DICK. [Restraining himself with difficulty] I say, 
Serrano, remember there is a lady present. 

J. w. [Also incensed] Quite so : I don't wish to 
appear prudish, but 

SERRANO. [Aside to j. w.] Tush! The man who 
knows how, can say anything to a woman. 

POLLY. [Penitent, has X quickly to dick] Oh, 
Dicky, that creature is disgusting, [dici^ pats her 
hand soothingly] Thank you, dear, don't scold; I'll 
be good. 

DICK. [Chummy, going L. with polly] What do 
you say to a short game of billiards? 

POLLY. [Saccharine] The game will seem short 
in your company, Richard. 

[Exit L. POLLY and dick.] 

84 



SERRANO. [Blandly] Does the bewitching Miss 
inherit much money from papa? 

J. w. Not one penny. 

SERRANO. [Sighsl Alas ! Then she is not for me. 

[barwEIvL appears through curtains R and indi- 
cates that he expects someone to follow him.] 

bar. [Coming down] Jimmy, the ladies request 
a song. 

J. w. [Briskly] I am pining to sing for them. 
[Going C] Won't you join us? 

BAR. [Declining] Distance lends enchantment. 

[Exit C. R. J. w.] 

SERRANO. [Excitedly producing telegram] A ca- 
blegram forwarded to me from my hotel. [Reads] 
"Guatama, 7.45 P. M. Money removed from vaults 
as requested" [Aloud] Signed, Emilio, my cousin. 
Ha! Ha! 

BAR. [Cynic] By industry we thrive. [hERING- 
TON appears R. and halts] [Patting serrano on back 
and driving him up C] Your talents are wasted in 
Guatama, Serrano. New York affords special in- 
ducements to men of your calibre. 

[Exit C. R. SERRANO.] 

HER. You signalled me to follow you? 

BAR. Yes. Senator, it was extremely gracious of 
you to permit my wife to persuade you to come here 
to-night, in spite of my foolish flare-up this after- 
noon. No hard feelings, I hope 

HER. None, Mr. Barwell. 

BAR. [Pleading] Herington, your decision was 
not irrevocable ? You will do what you can for me 
in Washington? 

HER. I can do nothing. 

BAR. I'll be frank. The loss of this appointment 
may make a difference of thousands to me. [hER- 
iNGTON impassive] Hundreds of thousands I [bar- 

85 



wKlIv X to HERiNGTON and in low voice] I shouldn't 
expect to keep all the plunder. 

HER. [Starting back in a rage] Mr. Harwell 

[Checks himself] What you ask will shortly be be- 
yond my power. 

BAR. Don't talk rubbish. 

HER. [Gravely] Circumstances have so shaped 
themselves that I am about to resign my seat in the 
Senate 

[barwEI/L dumfounded — then great light breaks in 
upon him.] 

BAR. Phew ! So you have troubles of your own ? 
[Offensive sympathy] I'm sorry, old fellow. I wish 
I could help you. 

HER. [Boiling within] Thank you. 

[Enter C. R. miedred — She is the radiant hostess 
— No trace left of the moody, passionate woman of 
Act III. Every care carefully concealed. Her gown 
is too low. Her aigrette rather too rakish.] 

miedred. [To barweee] Your father's carriage 
is here. Mr. Harwell wishes to see you at the house 
at once. 

BAR. [Lightly] Tell father to go to — bed. 

MILDRED. [Smiling good humoredly] Would you 
mind delivering your own message to the footman. 

BAR. [Amiably, going] I wonder what the old 
man thinks he wants. [Aside] I say, Herington, 
apropos. My dad's influence in Washington is ex- 
tensive and peculiar. I shouldn't mind asking him 
to assist a friend, you know, though I'll see him 
pickled before I accept favors for myself. Would 
you be willing to reciprocate? If father can be per- 
suaded to do Red Cross work on your behalf, will 
you see me through? [herington remains mute] 
Think it over, Herington. A fair exchange is no 
robbery. Father can deliver the goods. [Exit C. R.] 

86 



Mii^DRED. [Going'] Damon and Pythias ! Such a 
display of friendship is really most touching. 

HER. Don't run away, Mildred [Perfunctorily 

detains her hand.] 

MILDRED. [Smilingly withdraws hand] My dear 
boy, I can't desert my guests without exciting com- 
ment. 

HER. [Mirthless laugh] Yet you are prepared to 
take a step which will be talked about from Maine 
to California. 

MILDRED. [Playful vanity] How flattering to think 
that my actions should arouse such widespread in- 
terest. [Checking herself] Oh, you mean that our 
affairs will be widely discussed, because you happen 
to be a Senator? 

HER. [Verge of being bored] I meant nothing. 
Within forty-eight hours I shall have ceased to be 
a Senator. 

MILDRED. [Touched] You are resigning office, 
Jack, on my account? My dear, no woman is worth 
this sacrifice. 

HER. [Gravely — no enthusiasm] Let me be the 
judge of that. 

MILDRED. [Displeased with his cold manner] If 
you resign, what then ? 

HER. I shall return home 

MILDRED. For the moment, yes. After the divorce ? 

HER. [Impassive] We shall marry and live hap- 
pily, I hope 

MILDRED. [Sceptic] In Dakota? 

HER. Where else? We must live where I can 
earn a living. 

[Mildred's face expressive of amusement. Enter 
C. R., on their way to billiard room, von ulm^ ser- 
RANO and carter. The foreigners prove too much 
for the latter. In his efforts to be attentive to mrs. 

87 



BARWELiv he finds himself constantly elbowed out of 
the way.] 

VON UI.M. [R. of mii^drEd] We go to play at bil- 
liards, madam. 

SERRANO. [L. of mii^drEd] Your presence will in- 
spire us. 

VON uivM. Will Mrs. Barwell condescend to take 
a cue? 

CARTER. [Rtinning around in effort to get near 
her] As your partner, Mrs. Barwell, I feel that I 
shall accomplish wonders. 

VON ULM |-^ -1 No, no, that would be unjust 

SERRANO '- ^ J Become my partner, I beg. 

[They buzz about mildred. She is radiant. hEr- 
iNGTON Stands coldly aloof, as she fairly thrives on 
adulation. Off R. jimmy wieeiams strikes a few 
chords.] 

MiEDRED. [Vanity] Embarras de richesse. [Teach- 
ing hErington a lesson, turns impersonally to all] 
I cannot choose a partner where so many have equal 
claims. You shall make me your referee. 

[Off R., J. w. breaks into a rollicking song. Exit 

L. MILDRED, VON UEM, SERRANO with CARTER tagging 

behind, herington stands bitterly observant ; then 
turns with a shrug and slowly paces up stage, hands 
behind his back, poeey and dick bustle on L. Hear- 
ing them, HERINGTON halts, j. w. finishes verse.] 

DICK. [Disgruntled] Hang it, Polly, the men fol- 
low you everywhere. 

poEEY. [Saucy] That's what the men are for, 
Richard, dear. [To herington] We have been mak- 
ing friends after our first quarrel. It is rather good 
fun. 

DICK. I say. Senator, have you announced our 
marriage to your future better half? 

HER. [Starts] To whom? [Confused] Oh, yes. 

S8 



No, I have not. I'll explain matters to Madge at 
once. [B^it C. R.'\ 

DICK. [Watching him] There goes a cheerful 
lover. Did you notice his face ? 

poivi^Y. [Calmly] Diabetes, I fancy. [Throws win- 
dow curtains back, showing moonlight outside. Tree 
with branches laden with snow and ice, etc. Window 
seat practical.] Shall we sit here ? 

DICK. I don't mind. [Strips room of sofa cushions, 
tossing them one by one to pol,ly_, who stows them, 
away on the window seat in a most workmanlike 
manner. As they get settled down in window, enter 
L. CARTER, disgruntled.] 

CARTER. [Calls off L. through portieres] I shan't 
play. The light hurts my eyes. [Comes down with 
a grievance] Thanks to those foreigners, one can- 
not get a word in edgeways with Mrs. Barwell. 

[A kiss from the window is distinctly audible. 
CARTER looks slowly and suspiciously toward door 

^.] 

poLivY. [Peeping out with dick] Peek-a-boo, papa ! 

CARTER. [Both relieved and annoyed] Oh ! 
[Frowns] You two tete-a-tete ? Madge will scold. 

FOLEY. [Comes down, with dick] Madge gets on 
my nerves. 

CARTER. [Thoughtlessly] Mine, too. [Pulls up re- 
provingly] Hem ! Pauline ! 

POEEY. [Feeling ground] The lady will drive me 
into a runaway match, some day, papa. See if she 
doesn't. 

dick. [Aside] Easy, Polly : the old man may smell 
a rat. 

CARTER. [Chuckles] Richard, you shouldn't put 
such lawless ideas in my girl's head. 

dick. [Innocently] I, sir? Could you endure me 
as a son-in-law, Mr. Carter? 

89 



CARTER. [Resigned air] I am learning to accept 
the sons-in-laws my daughters thrust upon me. 

POLLY. One thing I promise, papa. My husband 
shall be a New York man. 

CARTER. [Heartfelt] I hope so. 

DICK. Hear ! Hear ! / am a New York man. 

POLLY, [Coaxing carter] When I am married, 
will you come and make your home with me ? 

CARTER. [Hastily] Will I ? [Regains dignity] 
Your father will never be guilty of abandoning his 
youngest child. 

POLLY. In my house, there shall be no restrictions. 

CARTER. Good ! 

POLLY. [To CARTER Only] You shall have a latch 
key. 

CARTER. Capital ! 

POLLY. Keep late hours and positively no ques- 
tions asked next morning. 

CARTER. [Captivated] Home, sweet home, after a 
lapse of seven years. [Face falls] You may marry a 
serious minded young person. 

DICK, n Polly marries me, sir, you shall have no 
cause to complain of the Puritan habits of your son- 
in-law. 

POLLY. [Decidedly] Where thou goest, there I go 
too, Dicky dear. 

CARTER. [Amused] My dear, you already express 
yourself with the uncharitable inflexibility of the 
average wife. 

POLLY. [Seizing opportunity] Father, I am a wife. 
This afternoon Richard and I were 

CARTER. [Panic] Hush ! Stop ! Don't ! I didn't 
hear you. I don't wish to hear you. Where igno- 
rance is bliss 'tis folly to fight other people's bat- 
tles. [Low voice, winking] Your sister-in-law does 
not cotton to you, Richard. 

90 



DICK. [Grins] Well, scarcely, papa. 

CARTER. [Kissing polly] Take a poor man's bless- 
ing [Henpecked snivel] for what it is worth. [Going 
C.] Mum's the word. Here comes our critic with 
her cowboy sweetheart. 

P0I.I.Y. [To dick] Shall we stand our ground? 

DICK. [Wavering] Too many cooks spoil the 
broth. Herington is on the job. [Pulls POi^iyY laugh- 
ingly into window and closes curtains, carter stands 
up C. defiant as a bantam rooster. Enter C. R. madge 

and HERINGTON.] 

HER. [Genially] Well met, Mr. Carter. I have a 
romantic story to unfold. 

CARTER. [Pompous] Mr. Herington, through no 
fault of mine, you are about to enter my family. I 
permit no one in my household to snub me at five 
and pat me on the back at ten. [Exits C. R.] 

MADGE. [Smilingly] Father begins to show his 
age. [Consulting clock] I must gather up Polly and 
wend my homeward way. 

[dick and polly show heads R. and L. side of 
window.] 

HER. Before you go, I have something of real 
importance to tell you. 

[dick and poi,ly exchange glances and their heads 
disappear.] 

MADGE. [Self conscious] Not here, Jack. Come 
home with us. It is not so very late. 

HER. Polly wishes me to intercede 

MADGE. [Parenthetically] Polly behaved very badly 
this afternoon; however, let bygones be bygone. 
[Point blank] Why do you ignore my suggestion ? 
Won't you come in for half an hour? 

HER. [Bitterly but steadily] The less we see of 
one another henceforth the better for your reputa- 
tion. 

91 



MADGE. [Reproachfullyli You have again yielded 
to this weakness? 

HER. [Head high] Weakness? Would you have 
me turn my back upon a woman who loves me and 
has loved me for years? If she needs me, I must 
remain at her side. [Warmly] But it is only fair 

that you should know [She turns abruptly away] 

Before I leave you to-night you shall hear 

[She faces him reproachfully] I beg your pardon. 
I didn't mean to be rough. It is only this. No 
matter what may happen, Madge, believe me, I 
honor and respect you above all women. 

MADGE. [Reserved] Thank you. A man can pay a 
woman no greater compliment. 

HER. [Pacing the room] To-day I met Mildred. 
My first love stood before me. tor a moment it 
seemed that I had drunk of the fountain of youth. 
But she is not the sweet, ingenuous girl, the Mildred 
of my dreams : it is Mildred of the vintage of 1907 
a woman of the world, worldly, a worldling to her 
finger tips, unhappily married of course — they al- 
ways are. For what her love once meant to me, I 
shall stand by her through thick and thin : yet by no 
process of self deception can I bring myself to 
believe that the old days will ever return. 

MADGE. [Going] You must be the judge of your 
own actions. 

HER. One word more. After to-night, should we 
meet, you may cut me — you must cut me. I'll take 
my medicine like a man. 

MADGE. [Horrified] You are not taking her away 
to-night ? 

HER. [Indifferent] Probably not. I don't know, 
I'm sure. [Bracing up] Believe me, Madge, I am 
neither vicious, nor an amorous fool. What I do, is 
done with my eyes wide open — for the sake of auld 

92 



lang syne. 

MADGE. [Losing reserve] And in this spirit of 
Quixotism you are willing to deceive Mildred, to 
offer in place of home and children, the husk, the 
shell, the empty something which was once a heart? 

HKR. [Quiet force] And is a heart, Madge ; at this 
moment beating high and warm for another woman. 
[Slowly lifts and kisses her hand.] 

MADGE. [Sadly] Poor Mildred. 

HER. [Doggedly] Have no fear. Mildred shall 
never learn the truth. 

MADGE. As though a man can deceive a woman, 
unless she wishes to be deceived ! [In anxiety to 
save Mii^DRED^ casts aside her own reserve] Jack, 
will you spare Mildred if — if the other woman con- 
fesses that she cares for you ? 

HER. [Sad smile] Ah, no, old lady : that won't do. 
The other woman has already given me to under- 
stand that she does not love me. If one of us is to 
be sacrificed, it shall not be you. 

[Bxit C. R. HERiNGTON. Enter R. j. w. in time to 
note herington's retreating figure.] 

J. w. [Cheers up at the sight] Far be it from me 

to profit by another man's misfortunes, but 

Have I a chance? 

MADGE. Faithful Jimmy. 

J. w. No go, eh? Very well, don't blame me if, 
hereafter, my conduct becomes grossly irregular, 

MADGE. [Soothing] Listen, Jimmy, if it is any sat- 
isfaction to you. I am very fond of Mr. Hering- 
ton 

J. w. Don't rub it in. 

MADGE. [Continuing] But I shall never marry 
him. 

J. w. What ! Well, I am not surprised. Lots of 
girls get engaged to the wrong man once or twice 

93 



before making permanent arrangements, [Politely 

amorous] Let me again urge you to marry me 

[She shakes head] Don't be pig headed. Some wo- 
men find matrimony immensely attractive. 

MADGE. [Equally polite] None for me, I thank 
you. 

J, w. [Pleading] What have I not given up for 
your sake ? Bad habits, bad hours, bad company. 
Marry me, Madge. That's a nice girl. 

MADGE. [As though refusing candy to a baby] No, 
Jimmy, no. 

J. w. [Ray of human intelligence] By Jove, there 
is another, after all. 

MADGE. [Sob in throat] There is another. [Go- 
ing R.] 

J. w. [Placidly] I pity you with all my heart. 
[She looks back enquiringly] You are accustomed 
to my ways. It may take you years to accommo- 
date yourself to the habits of another man 

[Exit R. MADGE and j. w.] 

[policy and dick, with pale faces, emerge from 
ivindow.] 

POLLY. Dick it's dreadful. I won't believe my 
ears. Poor Mildred. 

dick. Herington is a fine fellow. You must keep 
out of this. [X to door L. and peremptorily calls 
off] Mildred, may I see you at once? [To polly] 
Trot into the billiard room, Polly and detain those 
two foreigners. 

POLLY. [Obediently] Yes, Richard. 

DICK. [Jealous] You needn't go out of your way, 
you know, to make yourself too agreeable. 

POLLY. [Meekly] I understand, Richard 

[MILDRED saunters on L., holding cue in hand.] 

DICK. [Dignity] Leave us, Polly. [X and holds 
open curtains L.] 

94 



[poLLY, her face expressing sympathy and misery, 
impulsively kisses mildrEd and exits L. dick very 
exact about closing curtains; then turns frowning 

upon MILDRED.] 

MILDRED. [Smiling, in response to dick's frown] 
Positively you make my blood run cold. Don't lec- 
ture me to-night, Dick. Come and lunch with me 
to-morrow. 

dick. [Sternly] Sit down. 

MILDRED. [Smile loses spontaneity] My fatal good 
nature. [Sits, carefully arranging skirt for long 
session.] 

DICK. [Brutal directness] Senator Herington no 
longer loves you. 

MILDRED. [Rises abruptly] I forbid you to use 
such language. 

DICK. [Dominating] Sit down. [She continues 
standing] Sit down, [She flinches and sinks in 
chair.] [Kindly] I am only your brother-in-law, 
Mildred, but I love you as dearly as ever a boy 
loved his own sister, and I say to you in all friend- 
liness, this damnfoolishness must stop. 

MILDRED. [Haughtily] Or? 

DICK. Or, I shall go direct to the Judge. 

MILDRED. [Appalled] To my father? 

DICK. It is up to me to save the ship. If I call in 
assistance, you have only yourself to blame. 

MILDRED. [Hesitating] What do you wish me 
to do? 

DICK. Give Herington his marching orders. [She 
is stubborn] Send him back to the woods. Why, Mil- 
dred, you don't mean to say that you really care for 
this man? 

MihDRZD. [Frivols to hide emotion] Who knows? 

DICK. [Immensely relieved] I thought so. It's 
nothing more serious than one of your innumerable 

95 



flirtations. [Laughing] Poor devil, he takes you seri- 
ously. Fancy Mrs. George Harwell looking twice at 
a chap who was not tremendously smart. Hering- 
ton is just a plain man without any frills. 

MILDRED. [Assents] Just a plain man. The frills 
refreshingly absent; different in every respect from 
the men by whom I am surrounded. [Rises and takes 
a long breath] I am ready and willing to pull up 
stakes and leave this tiresome city behind me. 

DICK. Don't slander little old New York. What 
would you find to do in the country? 

MII.DRED. [Theatrical] One can always die. 

DICK. [Heartlessly] You'll die right here in town, 
if you live long enough. [Pleading] Mildred, I shan't 
urge you to renounce Herington on the ground that 
it is wrong to do otherwise. That argument cuts no 
ice nowadays. Nor because you are my brother's 
wife and incidentally the mother of a bouncing 
brace of kids in the nursery overhead. [She winces] 
[Apologetic] I beg your pardon. I don't wish to be 
offensive. 

MII.DRED. [Tapping ground with foot] Go on, by 
all means. 

DICK. [Continues, trying new line] I appeal to 
you as a good sport to extend fair treatment to a 
chap who is game to the core. Don't spoil his life. 
Show your sporting blood. Although he is in love 
with Madge Carter 

MILDRED. [Fiercely] Who says that Senator Her- 
ington is in love with Madge? 

DICK. I say so. I overheard their farewell con-- 
versation. He stands ready to sacrifice everything, 
because he believes that you love and need him. 

MILDRED. [Defiantly] I do. [Dick eyes her with 
silent amusement, throwing her on the defensive] I 
do, indeed, Dick. 

96 



DICK. Dear old girl, don't be absurd. What 
could you hope to make of such a man? Sentiment 
is no substitute for good society. Come, you are 
through with him. Would you begrudge a woman 
your cast off clothing? Honor bright, have you 
ever found the same man attractive two days in 
succession ? 

MILDRED. [Wistful smile, yielding] Am I a but- 
terfly? 

DICK. The most beautiful specimen in captivity. 

MILDRED. [With assumed nonchalance] No doubt 
I am. Very well, Madge shall have her Jack and 
welcome. It doesn't much matter. 

[Entei' R. J. w., solemnly.] 

DICK. [Teasing, overjoyed at success] Jimmy is 
a butterfly, all right, all right. Would you believe 
it? He enjoyed eighteen love affairs before reach- 
ing the age of twelve? 

J. w. [Testy] I suffered twelve bitter disappoint- 
ments before reaching the age of eighteen. [To 
Mildred] Dick is so inaccurate. [Tenders hand for- 
mally.] 

MILDRED. [Conventional] Must you go? 

J. w. [Intense gloom] Madge has refused me 
again. This time I really think she means it. 
[Changes to ultra conventional] Thank you so much 
for a delightful evening. 

[old barwell heard bellowing off C. R.] 

OLD BAR. [Off C. R.] Show me to a room where 
there are no women. 

MILDRED. [Exclaims] Ah ! 

DICK. Father ! [Going hastily L.] 

J. w. The devil ! [Going hastily R.] 

MILDRED. [C] Synonymous ! [Following j. w., 
R.] 

DICK. [X back to MILDRED — aside, nervous] Can 

97 



father have heard that I am married? 

MILDRED. [Nervous on her own account] He hears 
everything. 

[j. w., MILDRED and DICK going R., as old bar- 
well hobbles in C. R., supported by kelly and using 
cane vigorously.] 

OLD B. [Catching sight of trio about to run away, 
bellows'] Ah! How are yer? 

[j. w., MILDRED and DICK halt abruptly; try to ap- 
pear unconcerned and, facing old barwell^, bow and 
mumble, ''Good evening," "How are you, father?" 
"How do you do, mr. barwell.^'' etc. Meantime 
KELLY places rest under old barwell's bad leg, dur- 
ing which operation the latter growls and fumes. 
MILDRED attempts to assist kelly.] 

OLD B. [Growls] Will you let Kelly alone? He 
knows what he is about, [mildred back in line R. 
€.] [To KELLY, finally] Send my son George here 
at once. 

KELLY. At once, sir. [Exit C. R.] 

J. w. [Pretext to escape] I am positive George 
went in this direction. [Exit R.] 

[old b., watching j. w., grunts.] 

MILDRED. [Eager to escape] Jimmy won't know 
where to find him. [Exit R.] 

OLD B. [Irascibly to dick] Why don't you run 
away with the others? 

DICK. [Keeping a stiff upper lip] All right, gov- 
ernor. Someone must stay and face the music. 

OLD B. [Roars] Your mother delayed dinner thirty 
minutes on your account. It's an outrage. 

DICK. [Easily] Jove, that's right. I forgot to leave 
word that I was dining out. 

OLD B. [Bawls] What did you do with that girl? 

DICK. [Innocently] What girl? 

OLD B. What girl? Are you maintaining a harem 

98 



at my expense ? What have you done with Carter's 
daughter ? 

DICK. [Flares up] Don't say a word against Paul- 
ine Carter, father. 

OLD B. [Grozvls] Never heard anything in her 
favor, except that she inherited eighteen thousand 
a year from her mother. 

DICK. [Furious] Stop, sir. She is my wife. 

OLD B. [Surprised] What ! ! !. [Subsiding] Well, 
that's nothing in her favor. 

DICK. [Proudly] We were married this afternoon. 

OLD B. [Cool grin] Appearances are deceitful. So 
you do know which side your bread is buttered on. 

DICK. Is that all you have to say? 

OLD B. [Curt] That's all. You might have done 
worse. [Enter C. R. george barwell] Bring her 
around to-morrow in time for dinner, and we'll see 

what she looks like [Hozvls] In time for dinner, 

mind you : not thirty minutes late. [Exit R. dick.] 
[Savagely to george barwell] Come here. You 
have been pulling wires to secure the Guatama ap- 
pointment. Why ? 

BAR. [Sullen] That's my affair, sir. Have I 
troubled you in any way? 

OLD B. [Bawls] It troubles me to find that my son 
is a numskull. Your bear my name. How dare you 
subject that name to the contempt of the business 
community ? 

BAR. Oh, fudge ! 

OLD B. [ Yowling] I said contempt ! All unsuccess- 
ful men are contemptible. 

BAR. Let me alone. I am getting on my feet. 

OLD B. [Contempt] Bah! Serrano hawked that 
scheme all over town. Do you imagine anything 
good is permitted to get past me? 

BAR. Possibly the enterprise was too small for 

99 



you, sir. 

OLD B. [Ingenuously] Nothing is too small for me, 
if there's money in it. [Mysterious chuckle] This 
man Serrano has no influence with the present gov- 
ernment of Guatama. 

BAR. His uncle is president of the Republic. 

oivD B. [Laughing offensively] Was President, 
Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Was President. What you don't 
know about your own business would fill a book. 
His uncle's government fell [Consults watch] two 
hours and ten minutes ago. 

BAR. [Dismay] A revolution? 

OLD B. [Winks] The newspapers will describe it 
as such. Our marines were landed at eight o'clock. 
An American Protectorate has been declared. 

[Enter L. serrano, excitedly displaying despatch.] 

SERRANO. Barwell, Barwell, another cablegram. 
[Reads, old barwell chuckling meanwhile] ''Gua- 
tama, 8.15 P. M. Deposed. Sailing to-morrow noon. 
Reserve sunny bedroom and bath, one flight up, 
near Union Square." [Aloud, with bent head] My 
uncle ! Alas, our family has fallen. 

OLD bar. You hadn't far to fall, if that's any con- 
solation. 

SERRANO. [Delightedly wringing george barwell's 
hand] My dear friend, thanks to your excellent 
advice, uncle and I have sixty thousand in gold with 
which to make a fresh start in the world. 

OLD BAR. [Brandishing his stick] Get out. [ser- 
rano eyes him haughtily for an instant] Get out of 
this house. I know you by reputation 

[serrano cringes and slinks out C. R.] 

BAR. [Can't help admiring the old fox] You knew 
that this was about to take place? 

OLD B. [Rubbing hands] My Company will under- 
write thirty million of the new bonds. Draw your 

I GO 



own conclusions. 

BAR. [Throws up sponge] You win, father. That 
was my last card. I am down and out. 

oivD B. [Bully grown genial] Ah, that's the way 
I like to hear a man talk. [Abruptly] Now I am 
ready to help you. Make out a schedule of your debts 
and call your wife. [barwe;i.L X R.] [Chuckles] 
Next time, sonny, before you bite off more than you 
can chew, drop in and talk it over with the old man. 

BAR. [Calls off R.] Mildred. [Turns to old b.] 
You will concede, father, that Serrano told a plau- 
sible story? 

[Enter R. mii^drEd.] 

OLD B. [Virtuously for benefit of third party] Ser- 
rano's undertaking was fraught with a degree of 
moral turpitude which no reputable man could for 
a moment countenance. [Brusque dismissal] When 
I want you, I'll send for you. [Bxit C. R. barwELL.] 
[Slowly, fixing a piercing eye on mildred] It is 
rumored at the clubs that you are dissatisfied with 
your husband. 

MILDRED. [Quietly] Are you altogether satisfied 
with your son? 

OLD B. [Can take as well as give] Good! So far 
we agree. Will you answer two questions? 

MILDRED. If it suits me to do so. 

OLD B. Have you consulted a lawyer? 

MILDRED. I have. 

OLD B. Does he advise you to divorce George? 

MILDRED. Substantially, yes. 

OLD B. Good. May we assume that, womanlike, 
you will act contrary to this excellent advice? 

MILDRED. I shall not sue for a divorce, if that is 
what, you mean. 

OLD B. Good. Divorces beget bad blood. 

MILDRED. [Angrily] George deserves no mercy at 

lOI 



my hands 

OLD B. [Diplomat] My dear, have I asked you to 
spare him? Make his Hfe miserable, but don't drag 
the name through the courts. 

MILDRED. Your precious name shall be spared. 

OLD B. [Quickly and earnestly tenders hand] Is 
that a bargain, Mildred? 

MILDRED. [Wearily taking hand] Yes, I suppose so. 

OLD B. [Delighted with progress] Sit down. No, 
no, my dear, not so far away. [Grins] My bark is 
worse than my bite. 

MILDRED. [Sits, — slight smile] Far worse. 

OLD B. [Assenting] I am a trifle outspoken, at 
times. [Getting chummy] Now then, how shall we 
go to work to put George on his feet? After all, 
he is the father of my grandchildren. 

MILDRED. [Bitterly] I am not likely to forget it, 
sir. 

OLD B. For their sake we must make a man of him. 
[MILDRED is on verge of nervous collapse. hER- 
INGTON is lost to her: the future is a blank, old 
BAR WELL slowly touches the maternal chord.] [Gent- 
ly] I am very proud of my grandchildren, Mildred. 

MILDRED. [Sob in throat] Yes. 

OLD B. [Handing a bank note] Give that to the 
boy and tell him to buy some marbles. 

MILDRED. [Listlessly] Thank you. 

OLD B. Is there anything I can buy the little girl? 

MILDRED. [Listlessly] She wants an automobile, I 
believe. 

OLD B. [Promptly] She shall have a touring car 
on Monday. 

MILDRED. [Smile breaking through gloom] A toy 
auto, I mean : one that can be worked with her feet. 

OLD B. Pshaw ! That won't cost fifty dollars. [In- 
sinuating] Last, but by no means least, what shall 

102 



we do for mama? 

MILDRED. [Final burst of despair] Nothing, noth- 
ing. You don't understand me, Mr. Barwell. A 
bribe is quite unnecessary. 

OLD B. [Soothing] There. There. Your nerves are 
in bad shape. You are about six minutes ahead of 
hysteria. No woman can Hve quietly with a man 
like George. I must furnish you with a legitimate 
source of excitement. [Beaming] What would you 
say to a few months in Vienna? 

MILDRED. George has set his heart upon going to 
Guatama. 

OLD B. My son accept a fifteen hundred dollar job 
in a swamp ! [Confidential] Somebody's private sec- 
retary telephoned from Washington late this after- 
noon to enquire what it all meant. I have only to 
say the word, and a place as Secretary of our Aus- 
trian Embassy will be made for George. 

MILDRED. [Growing enthusiastic] A season at the 
Austrian Court ! ! The most conservative society in 
Europe ! ! 

OLD B. And the handsomest women in the world — 
but my daughter-in-law can give them cards and 
spades. By thunder, Mildred, we'll give those Aus- 
trians something to talk about. You shall have the 
finest wardrobe that money can buy. 

MILDRED. [Now enraptured] I am simply wild to 
set out at once. 

OLD B. In the autumn, when certain people call 
round to demand voluntary contributions to the 
campaign fund, I'll stipulate before subscribing that 
George must be transferred to the Court of St. 
James. 

MILDRED. [Ecstatic] An official position in Eng- 
land ! ! ! Oh, father Barwell, can you arrange this ? 

OLD B. [Benign amazement] Can I arrange this? 

103 



Why little girl, what a strange question. [Enter R. 
DICK on his way to billiard room] Call George and 
we'll close the deal at once. [Exit mildred C. R.] 
[To DiCK^ displaying roll of bills] Can you use a 
few of these? 

DICK. I've never seen the time when I could do 
without them. [Takes money] Thank you. 

OLD B. Your mother will give your wife a diamond 
necklace. Let the girl select it for herself. No limit. 

DICK. [Gratefully] It is really very decent of you, 
governor, not to kick up a fuss. 

OLD B. [Thoroughly approves match] Young for- 
tune hunter ! 

DICK. [Distressed] Father, I beg you to believe — 

[Enter C. R. mildred and barwell.] 

OLD B. [To dick] Bah ! It's as easy to catch a rich 
wife as a poor one and the rich one will squander 
less money in the long run. [Exit L. dick.] 

BAR. [Up C, humble] Mildred has explained your 
plans. I am very grateful. 

[mildred goes down L.] 

OLD B. [R., brusque] Don't snivel, by way of 
expressing your gratitude. You shall have a suit- 
able establishment, pending good behaviour. [To 

both] Shake hands [barwell up C. hesitates, 

really abashed, mildred down L. rigid. The su- 
preme moment has come.] [Promptly X to mildred] 
Come, come, has my time gone for nothing this 
evening? [Gesture toward barwEll] Look at him. 
He's a handsome dog. You might go further and 
fare worse. 

MILDRED. [Shrug, crossing the Rubicon] Since 
marriage is a lottery, there is every reason to believe 
that a second prize might be found less desirable 
than the first. [Extends hand to barwell, who X 
and takes it with boyish enthusiasm, old barwell 

104 



grunts and turning away, rings bell.] 

BAR. [To cover emotion, turns cynically to old 
B.] Do you require me to kiss my wife? 

oivD B. [Growls'] Rome wasn't built in a day. 

[Enter C. R. kelly.] 

MILDRED. [Calmly to barwell] You may kiss me. 
Under the circumstances, I fancy it is the proper 
thing to do. 

[HARWELL bashfully kisses Mildred's cheek. A 
wise grin spreads over kELLy's face.] 

old b. [Intensely gratified] Now, I'll go home 
and have my bad leg bandaged. [Calls] Kelly, my 
carriage. 

KELLY. [Assisting old barwell] At the door, sir. 
[They go up stage.] 

BAR. [Up to OLD B.] Father, my wife is a brick. 

OLD B. Then deal with her hereafter on the square. 

[Exit C. R., OLD B. — BARWELL and KELLY on either 
side.] 

[Enter R. madge, frigid manner.] 

MADGE. [Without offering hand to mildred.] Good 
night. Do come and see me. 

MILDRED. [Lightly — mind on Vienna] Bring the 
Senator in to tea to-morrow afternoon, Madge. 

MADGE. [Incensed] I am not conversant with 
Senator Herington's plans. 

[Burst of laughter sounds off R.] 

MILDRED. [Determined not to take offence] The 
gentleman shall speak for himself. [Calls off R.] 
When father finishes that story. Jack, won't you 
come here? [Roguishly] Madge wants you. [To 
MADGE] I shall expect you to pay us a visit, when 
we are settled in Vienna. 

MADGE. [Laboring under delusion; angrily] Mil- 
dred ! 

MILDRED. [Comprehends] My dear, father Bar- 

105 



well is sending George and me to Vienna. [Repeats 
slowly and distinctly'] George and me : me and 
George. 

MADGE. [Hope springing up] You remain with 
George, after all ? 

MILDRED. [Assents nonchalantly] I stick to 
Georgie, Really, dear, my husband is very much 
like other men — only more so. 

MADGE. [Joyfully incredulous] What on earth do 
you two expect to do in Vienna? 

MiEDRED. [Calmly] Quarrel and enjoy ourselves 
in the usual manner. [Quickly] Question for ques- 
tion, Madge. When do you marry Jack? 

MADGE. [Soberly] Never. 

MiEDRED. You must eujoy long engagements. 

[Enter R. herington.] 

HER. [Slowly to MADGE] Well? 

MILDRED. [Sprightly, to him] Quite well, thank 
you. Never better, in fact. Are you prepared for a 
riddle? 

HER. [Folding arms, tinge of bitterness] I am pre- 
pared for almost anything. 

MILDRED. [Rather pleased with her new role] 
First, have you resigned from the Senate ? 

HER. [Puszled] No, not yet. 

MILDRED. Better consult Madge before taking the 
step. I rather think she might enjoy Washington 
life. [mildrEd C. beaming. hErington and madge R. 
and L. awkwardly stealing glances at one another.] 
[Losing patience] Oh, you two stupid creatures. 
Can't each of you read the other's heart by the light 
of his own inner consciousness? [Impulsively seises 
hand of each and drags them down] Now for the rid- 
dle. If one [Presses madge^s hand] is won: and one 
[Presses herington's hand] has won her : what is 
to prevent one [Business with madge's hand] and 

1 06 



one [Business with herington's hand] from becom- 
ing and remaining one forever? [Steps back, locks 
their hands together, places her own hand on theirs 
and, with tears shining through her smiles, con- 
cludes] Exit little Mildred. Let Nature do the rest. 



CURTAIN. 



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